No one cares what I say or do.

To me food and drink aren't as appealing because someone is superstitious about when I was upset.

My dad just isn't the same.

Are you looking for a good fuck?

People keep treating me this way because my dad moved us here.

Orlando is full of garbage.

Other people put technical difficulties into my life, like that proves everyone that problems are possible.

There are some people out there who are downright nasty I don't give a flying fuck about them.

...but I'm different

Are people stricter on Generation X than Late Boomers? like when they were kids, say?

People giving commercials can be racist and think that's okay it's to me when I'm the cool one.

Why can't people stop messing with things that are okay and acting like it comes with a price?

They are acting like everyone's sitting there waiting for it to be admitted and proven that I'm shit or get specific with important things.

The people monitoring me in private, involved, and others keep acting like I think things I don't and get away with it.

I'm not the bad person.  I'm not in trouble with anyone.

What if everyone thinks I'm in trouble and I don't have anything in the world, after all?

It feels like people are waiting until it's too late.

Some people speaking in commercials lash out on you but probably get rehired.

There are actually people out there who believe I deserve to be punished by an older lady I have a "relationship" with being exploited.

Someone and probably others act like nothing is impressive, important, nor surprising.  They'll spiritually curse about anything you can think of that's important, like it means nothing when I'm involved.  Hm, sounds familiar.

I thought friends could be important like family, like having a sibling.

Some people just want to abuse me.

I feel turned down by my family.

People think I am supposed to be with people I'm related to.

Even if I talk to someone else, some people think it's their doing and a strange nature of a "decision."

Someone keeps acting like I'm just a bad person and focuses on affecting me negatively.  They are in my life a lot, in some ways it seems, partially because other people know them.

Whenever I tell my therapist about this person, she thinks that's just me, being silly.

I wonder if I can ignore it.  I was excited on having a better relationship, possibly, and am somewhat sad about maybe leaving home.

I just am interested in this person's and others's following fixation on me as an unacceptable person, treated racistly, as well.

I'm less inclined to be hypnotized by a mother, and I'm less inclined than others to get mushy with my dad.  However, I think my dad has been secretly mothering me because my mom is Asian and I'm 1/2 Asian 1/2 Caucasian.

I was successful and independent, but people said just talk to your family and my dad wants to shelter me all of a sudden all grown up and good.

How is it better?  Nothing matters.

I feel so trapped.  I don't listen to other people who associate with their family.  However, biologically I  have foreign problems.

Update

I added a message board I post on on the side of this blog: MovieChat.

Why are people so abusive since Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005?)

I'm pretty much out of the picture, as far as school or college goes, as I'm in music.

It's like there's nothing else to do, in some ways.

It's funny Late Boomers hated children but they are so protective of Generation Z & A.

Why are only some people allowed to curse?

I'm mad about things, and I can find individual people here in Central Florida easily.

I don't wish ill on anyone, but I can't help if something bad happens anyway and I'm sad.

I have a habit on taking out anger on people closer to me because I did that for Ellen DeGeneres, and I'm still in trouble!

No, "they're just human."

So, Baby Boomers are walking, talking evil on the inside.

There's not much hope in anything else but Baby Boomers.

I probably should just focus on violin so I can grow more.

Even if I was encouraged as a test, I was still encouraged and humble.  You can jump to conclusions.

Why do England and Germany keep giving attention to the bad people in America and other people are left out cold?

I didn't do anything to lose a relationship.  It's up to the relationship.

People are acting like I'm not worth it but other people are a lot.

Why do I keep getting turned into shit after I do something?  Is that something following close behind generation-wise?

I have to get uncomfortable playing violin because I'm not accepted.

People keep pushing me to admit things to be thought of.


That's why I got kicked out of singing in college.

I used to be supposed to be grateful, now I'm supposed to be still.

No one has the right to the point of being like sued to say I expected and forced them to do anything for me, and that's all some people do to me; it's because I already set that I expect nothing from anyone if I say anything.  I have a lot of things going for me, but some things too good are ruined.

I was right.

Orlando is trying to get under my skin and feel good in bad ways.

I just want to know I didn't lose anything, you know anyway.

Telling a mixed white they are not white is not like a monologue from a comedy bursting out.

Everyone here keeps responding to me like I'm not white and not good enough, whereas before I was.

Does it make you happy or jealous to see other people happy?

People used to encourage me, but they all surrounded me like I was eternally in love with someone and they surrounded me and said, "Bad, bad!"  Before, you'd be beat to suggest that of someone that was exploited who's older than me who I have a relationship with.  Goes to show you what's lies and trash in this world.

My old priest was indeed good, but many people like to be the way they are and don't think it's all about being tall and skinny.  He's also cool because I like big noses and he has a pronounced nose.  He has black hair, pale skin, and strong blue eyes.  It's also considered a certain stereotype, in some ways.  He seems to be very defensive of who he is here in Orlando, been here since the early/mid 1990s.  He is from West Virginia and maybe Southwestern Pennsylvania I think.  He must be born in the 1950s.  He keeps bouncing back between being stern and laid back / casual socially.

Why Irish Marry Germans in America

It's a bargain because the Irish immigrated here later than say the Pennsylvania Dutch, who are Swiss mostly, though I am unsure also significant German population, being the biggest ethnicity in the US.

Also, some of the Irish don't live on farms, unsure the quantity.  So, it's the money.  There is a clear prejudice against farmers.

People don't care if people curse at kids, unless it's someone to make seem better than me because of the hardship of it.

People can get elevated for being part Spanish if they have other "redeeming qualities" or "saving graces" but like other white people are the bad guy.

Do celebrities like the attention they get?  I'm sure I wouldn't be considered as good as Johnny Depp.

Since when am I "chopped liver" and other people are off-limits to talk to?  Why did adults act so open, like a trap so they can punish us like we knew we weren't supposed to?  ...because I have a priest I gave some presents to, like religious letters, a sympathy card, little office supplies added as goodies... and he's always downright nasty to me and I don't even go to church because it sucks in my life otherwise.  People are always doing whatever they want to me.  I thought Baby Boomers were always open to Generation X.

I wish I was still in college, though I didn't know I wanted violin as a primary instrument.

I don't understand the wasted years.

I wasn't in college or anything.  My parents made me afraid to come out of my room.

I still would go into modeling school and maybe move on to act in some way.  I don't want to make it big, in some ways, but in some ways I don't care if I looked good.

I feel like the US is a childhood home.  I feel like I'd need to move to another state in it, like Washington, to feel like an accomplished adult.

I used to think of things like getting a doctorate in Music Education or becoming a CEO so I'd be a happy worker in old age, too, though a lot of people boast about retiring young.

I was thinking of going back to community college to finish the AA.  There's sorta offshoot reasons for me not to ever be in college that I get tortured if I do by little noises in my room and around my environment, aliens or not, etc., the way my computer loads.  The real reason was because I am a music major and other classes are in the way, though I wasn't advanced enough nor prepared for a conservatory.  I'm also teaching myself Germany so one day I can live there.

Like, they don't seem to say anything as they go about life, unless it's about Generation Z.

Did you notice how Late Boomers were able to have everything prepared to deal with the world?

I wonder if I can keep school up with violin and money for food.

I just enrolled in General Psychology online for the 2nd half of the Fall.  Now, to see if financial aid works out at this community college and if the other community college will answer back.  That was about all that was available it seems that I have planned to take.  I was thinking of going back already in 3 courses on campus, but my financial aid didn't work anyway and it was the school's fault.  School can be stressful, especially with a lot of homework.  I did 18 hours online at another community college but didn't pass any of them though did a lot of work.

I think I'm gonna have some chocolate and vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup.

I ordered a new credit card and am waiting for it to come in the mail so I can buy things.  First, I'm getting one of the lesser expensive Google Chromebooks because the keys sometimes stick on this one.

So, no plans for school, training, just learning violin on my own.  I can use my money to eat and buy some things I need now.

I don't want to grow old with my parents in Orlando.  I had thoughts of auditioning to go back to my old college.  I was thinking of moving to Germany, but I'm not sure how that would go.  I do want to teach myself German still, using Duo Lingo and Tinycards on my cellphone.

Glad I can teach myself violin best.

Modeling is money, I better wait.  No school, neither.

I'm feeling a little laid back.  What can I do?  Do I need to sleep again?  Why?

I slept for about 12 hours but I woke up like 3 times in between not terribly tired each time but sorta.

It feels like, even within a message board among others, some topics are off limits of mention.

Why do people like socially eliminating other people in life?  It seems to catch on to others if they do it.

Why do people fight over people like Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and Ellen DeGeneres?  Even if people like watching them, people still are troubled by the statement made and constantly nag and give others such a hard time about it, somehow.  I think it's because some people like people who make these problems more than people who don't.  It's like they never grew up.

no steps to memorize like ballet

I might do modeling classes, just so I can do something at a good pace.

I really put my all into violin, but I feel both discouraged and encouraged.  I even was blamed like I was rebelling to do modelling, too, if I can afford it on side of saving for doing some music in Germany.

What with my room clean, I am all set to go, nothing to worry about.

I can't exactly pinpoint why, but I said I felt pushed to do something other than violin because I don't wanna live at home forever and not travel somewhere out of Orlando again.  I hope I can do classical music, in some way.  The modeling is fun, too, no lines to memorize.

I don't want to take acting again.  I don't want to give up violin and sing more.  I wonder if I should take modeling class.  My other thing was going to Germany, to live there if I'm still interested in watching music there.

If this doesn't work out, I still have some interest.  I wonder if I should pick 2 things.  After all, I don't work.

I don't care if I'm not the 1st violinist but hope I'm not in the back.  I always thought, in orchestras, you get "parts," but violins are usually not, unless you're one of the best.

I am depressed I'm not really good at violin, but it's a rewarding experience that someday I may be in an orchestra.  I kinda wanna enjoy watching performances, too, so I'm not sure what I'll do.  I was thinking of having a lesser fun making CDs.  I was good at piano/organ, but I'm not sure what I'm good at now.

Orchestras are okay.  I just realize they are inflexible and maybe I should look into other things, though I don't know how if I'm tired on psychotic medicine where I sleep 12 hours a day and learn violin.  There's really no way out.  I guess I'm upset I'm not doing piano or organ because I know I could play.  I was encouraged in organ, but I lost those skills more than piano because I did piano longer, though maybe I was equally good at both, in some way.  I might be good at music to a degree, but I am not a social violinist.

Reply on a Message Board to Another Poster by Me

I'm no expert in anything. I can only give you life experiences.

You keep speaking of others, friends, people, etc… What I'm saying is the only person you need to answer to you. You need to be able to live yourself first. If things in your life aren't working then it's up you to change it. You can't rely on others. Once you get rid of the negatives in your life you can then start to be satisfied.

Okay. I was happy with violin. I just don't know if I can do it.

I never meant to say you weren't good enough. People will treat you the way you treat them. If they don't then it's time to move on from them.

Yea, things are good. I just hope I can actually play, violin.

Find your one true passion and go for it. If it's music then put everything into that and never look back. It doesn't matter what others think. If it's your passion then it's worth doing. Only you can can dictate your life.

It's funny I was a music major, but I mightn't mind being a singer. Maybe, acting is a bit far fetched to pursue, anyway, considering I'd been doing music growing up.

What I meant as far as relationships is if you expect certain things of others you can be disappointed. Try to only rely on yourself first.

Well, it seems like things were okay until other people involved themselves, like the person I have a relationship with needed them. It was too much, and sacrifices were made on my part like you said, if something bothers you eliminate it, except that thing that was eliminated was something about me, to other people and in some ways how the person I have a relationship can feel about me, pretty sick that people can do that and just figure it already happened.

There's nothing wrong with people liking you. You just can't expect that everybody will like you. That's not realistic. We're all different. That's what I mean if somebody in you life is bringing you pain then it's better to eliminate them. I know it sounds harsh and it's difficult but it really is better for your peace of mind.

If other people broke something in my life, I intend to get it fixed. That happens to be another person in some "relationship.

Yes, if you're looking for answers by posting on these kinds of places that doesn't make sense. Most of the time in can be more detrimental to you.

Right, but sometimes I feel accused for posting about the truth, like instead of looking for help am looking to demand and nobody wants me because it's an accident.

I'll say it one more time, if people are judging and getting angry with you for things you do then maybe these are not the people you want in your life.

I know, but people know about the person I like and won't stop bothering us.

People basically seem almost as though they have succeeded in taking a relationship away from me. I'm always told I'm bad to have it, it seems. That effects day-to-day, eventually, and what seems to be true or necessary. Relationships are an important thing because people are supposedly important. I like this relationship a lot. However, when I hear myself say I like my relationship, I used to feel encouraged and now feel cast away.

So, how can I eliminate people in public constantly thinking about us because it supposedly made the person I have a relationship with uncomfortable? Even if they care and don't try to stir things up, I'm worried the relationship still is uncomfortable. I think maybe not, but it might be a little of both enjoyment and being nervous, which in general nervousness is okay.

Supposedly, people know about what she thinks in ways she doesn't seem to say herself. She used to not be upset herself with me. People just keep wanting to say I'm being selfish because she has a relationship with me. How do I get rid of those people? That's something that makes her uncomfortable about me.

Thanks for all your help and support while I figure these thoughts. You basically are into elimination. Is this a forever strategy or hoping things will iron out, like if someone else distracted other people instead of my relationship? I used to be seen as amazing for dealing with a lot of people knowing me, but now it's like I'm not needed and I can't believe it, just because the person I had a relationship with got it, instead.

To answer your next question, I think Ellen DeGeneres somehow "telepathically" channeled my relationship to the world when Hillary Clinton lost the Presidential Election in 2016, and my relationship has become exploited. Her reason is because she thinks my generation's parents are hard on us and she doesn't want to get in trouble by letting us have too good of a time, in ways we want to, even when it doesn't have to do with her. It seems like one element of being gay? to go further, I mean to worry about being too nice to people with harsh parents. Not sure if you/anyone gets this, already or something. I don't enjoy being put on the spotlight about this if no one's supposed to talk about it. Ellen DeGeneres is so critical and others about how I talk about them.

I don't know why people are so offensively good-to-go about the fact that my relationship is partially ruined. Also, I was interested in someone else and lost more of my relationship when I was through with the other person, who still comes into my life sometimes that I thought wouldn't bother me, while others don't do that. I think some people I knew turned on me, too, rather than have a healthy distance.

I'm upset that I keep getting in trouble if I think of a bad word by accident when people are mean to me a lot. If so, they ruin my relationship for the time being supposedly in some way.

I am sad about how I sit here and people who monitor my life "have" to get in on the action but have to be right, when they're just getting in on the action. This isn't perfect and ruins it, too.

I'm sick of people patrolling the knowledge that I had a good relationship and they think I didn't deserve it and took it away, in some ways. Sick and gay. They keep making up an excuse saying I wasn't good enough and they're offering my relationship an alternative. I'm not even on my relationship's case, so-to-speak, just have a good relationship. These people just keep making themselves seem important and social to sacrifice my having a good relationship, without knowing what's right and following through what's right. They aren't just having a nice time. They're ruining it specifically, but they get permission and don't make the right decision; Orlando is weird, and other places might not be like this now.

People are afraid of being responsible for the fact I get attention, too. The people who "monitor me..." seemed to disappear in 2005, which is also the year they appeared, and came back when I started watching Ellen DeGeneres in 2012. They bothered me now, though, like Ellen DeGeneres was afraid to be nice to me because people see me as in trouble according to my dad... So, it's like they're here for Ellen DeGeneres. Other people were actually involved, too. I'm not sure why they disappeared and my life was made miserable too though. I felt set up, like this this you might want to think, like I can't have a relationship with anyone. I mean, was I just having problems? I was getting manipulated. I used to be into Tim Burton and Johnny Depp because they were popular etc., same with Ellen DeGeneres. I really do eliminate people from my life that seem to bounce back in things we did, according to others. I even eliminated church. I just didn't eliminate things like my relationship, you know? I like that person. I am nice to others, who aren't so nice to me in the end, so many well-regarded people.

So, I already listened to your advice about elimination. I eliminated relationships that went wrong or that I grew tired of in some way. I eliminated things that got in the way, like church and school and work for now since I live at home. What now? Why do people keep coming back who bother me?

I've sacrificed so much and prized this relationship, but it's not okay in certain ways like it was before because they became popular over me, whereas before it was me and I had my relationship. I'm not supposed to think about how I also am well-know because it makes my relationship uncomfortable. Not sure who says this, but now the relationship is so important to others that she can't talk about this part of life, which I don't know if it's important, seems to be for the relationship now. In that thinking, you'd say the relationship didn't want this fame and then shouldn't have it. However, people bet to differ. You seem to be in on people in general like this, though, saying just to forget about such a good relationship being ruined just by other people. You haven't said anything about how sweet relationships are and how sad it is. I hope you're not just jealous out of nowhere in this specific case and upset. It's okay if it sounds cool, though, and you're interested and into it...?

Okay, I know I watched Dr. Phil once for awhile, and he just solves things by eliminating relationships. I don't want to eliminate just any relationship because other people traumatized them. I eliminated other things to focus on making life better. Are you saying I don't seem good enough and I should forget it? It's not just something to brush aside as dead. It's a person. Some people need to stop exploiting my relationship and teasing the person not to care about me, surrounding the person on every side. I don't know why it's hard to ignore, but I think the person has it better where they are and not everyone always batshit crazy in every way, like a lot of people here in Orlando.


What do you think about that? I thought I'd fill you in what you seem to be missing. Guessing you don't have an answer, but thanks for your advice, thus far.

What's the hold-up?  Was my generation cancelled?

I posted this on a message board, when I posted there the blog post here titled "Anyone wanna talk?" in reply to another poster.


People think they can prove I'm the last person in to be counted as not worth it and in submission to "them" whoever "them" is… I had to move to Orlando with my family during college. Many people here act very annoyingly. I don't start anything with anyone. I just try to defend myself without them following and reacting to me every move. Maybe, it didn't affect my life too much, maybe things are getting better, but after 13 years of waste and lack of productivity to yield results I would see in the present.

So, I have this relationship, and everyone is acting like they are just playing around but are really giving me a miserable time, beating me up thinking I lost the relationship. I never saw them in real life and haven't told anyone who they were.

I wanted to be successful, probably for some social reasons. They said I was too shy to continue singing in college and I left. I lost everything, while others receive all the glory. I was interested in acting, but I already knew that doing the arts was better. When I was interested in things other than acting, my life was more profitable.

Everyone just cowers and says too bad but says it's okay to exploit my relationship. People in my life are "going along with me" thinking they made it this way on purpose and that my relationship goes along with the crowd, too.

It looks like it's too bad and pretty much you were completely nice to me, maybe didn't make complete sense in having a fighting point for what's normally right. I really am gonna remain, well, dejected. I'm not accepting any people who tell me it's too bad I don't need my relationship. I didn't even ask for that point. I had it, and bad people are in the way. I'm not even supposed to forget about it for awhile or forever. What am I supposed to do with all these different entities and signs in my life, things pointing me in different directions?

I started violin late and am doing well. I already swore my interest in the orchestra. I wanted to watch an orchestra in Germany that might be splitting up partially. I still like them. I used to do piano/organ/singing so was always used to being heard. Still, orchestral music is best and many great people must have a great time, though I assume it gets easier the better you get. So, then I also felt pulled to act. I miss ballet and minored in it in that school that kicked me out of singing. I'm not sure what I can do at this point. I'm so mad I want to be good at something but keep feeling made fun of.

So, I am upset I am unsuccessful at age 32 and am sad my parental generation is getting older and my generation's grandparents some are very old. My relationship with someone might seem okay sometimes, but then I deal with weird messages where people exploit the person and what I was wondering if anyone wanted to talk to me about was how I keep suffering the relationship, if I accidentally think of a bad word or something, more if I show any physical sign of anger, though I don't think that always works. I want to do something, but music is serious and I don't want to mess it up doing something else, too. I feel lonely how I keep being in trouble with my relationship for the reasons I said, like if I accidentally think of a bad word and people know…

I guess the point is moreso I am not on good terms about a relationship. I'm not supposed to forget it for awhile, but if anything bothers people about me in certain ways it affects the relationship for some reason because people act that way. The 2nd point was not really knowing what I want to do in music, want to be in an orchestra maybe though I may not be able to do anything. I also have to be on psychiatric pills if I live at home, and it makes me sleep 12 hours a day. I want to learn German, too, so I can move to Germany and experience music there. I'm just worried about being in an orchestra and making a commitment. I have to make money in some way, though. I guess I want to catch performances I like rather than be tied down as a performer in some ways. Maybe, I'll just make CDs, but I'm not good enough to play concertos. I'm just organizing my life, I don't expect anyone to do anything, but I am still confused if it's because A) I'm in trouble for throwing the water bottle on the floor B) people are in the way saying I'm evil and don't deserve such a found out good relationship for me or C) it was never meant to be, which I could settle with better than being evil… I also don't know if it was good for me to do something or not. Do I just sit in my room in my parents's house and rot? I do things. Like I said, I want to, I guess, investigate music or study in Europe, to live there and learn the language. I have to become something, not tossed out in the end because people told them bad things about me. People think they "caught me in the act" when I wasn't doing anything about people meeting me, like they don't want me to ever meet any person or have a good time in life. I understand I can be by myself in reality, but if I talk to someone I don't want people in the way saying it's important because I'm evil. Now, that's tacky.

You said relying on friends could make use disappointed. Well, I don't know if it was planned anyway, but people tried to split me up with a relationship I really like a lot. That's not the relationship's fault, in that way. People think I'm a relationship especially to be off the hook with, with nothing in store otherwise to speak of. People really are such chickens, all not being sure about this. Some people get it, though, and are swift about it. They don't get in the way of course and don't even "need" to talk to me.

It seems like you're also trying to say I wasn't good enough anyway and to cheer up. Is it because I threw a water bottle on the floor?

Thanks so much for your encouragement; do you have anything else to say that interests you? Sorry, no one will probably answer you, other than me. I could say more, but I have a feeling I'm starting to go in circles. I mean, what's wrong with the person liking me? Why do people keep getting in the way! It's okay in some ways, but it's too much to ignore and some places a lotta people seem all panicky and life is worse because of some people. If I wasn't in trouble, I might not have as many problems neither. I'm mostly in trouble for signs of being upset physically in public at people who act mean around me, like I stomp my foot a little or try to look at them sternly. I try to stop and have mostly. Well, that's why. People are mean to me, though, and that's why! They really did it. I don't care how. I just stomped a little, and when people kept doing it more sometimes I stomp louder next. Some people are so awkward with bemused looks and "evil" grins. If I look at someone, they bother me more, too. Maybe, people should talk about that. I've already called the police to talk about it.

Oh well, you're right, but I feel in trouble for trying to solve problems posting, too, and that doesn't make sense. People make up things, too, about what I really meant.

There's not much to say or do, but do you feel sorta emotional how sweet life must be for people with sexy moms?

The next excuse is that magic might exist instead and maybe I'm the last thing on earth anyone would consider okay to co-exist with.

I could get along with Europeans better, but Americans are trying to stop me on account of I'm 1/2 Asian.  It comes up in the process of communicating with them.

Anyone wanna talk?

Orlando ruined a relationship I had because I threw a water bottle on the ground when everyone around me was really trying to get under my skin and bother me.

I feel guilty about having anything, sometimes, now.

I wonder if I'm miserable how I'm treated because people are freaking out trying to get me to feel bad that no one can get along with me that seem attractive.  It seems people manipulated my life the wrong way.

I don't like the way some people think about me, like I'm "a case."  I grew up being about perfectly well-behaved, and now people make me really mad and say I'm no good because I got mad at people being mean to me, which they do a lot in how they act.

I knew it'd be a toss-up on how annoying it is I have to battle weird ideas of things people want and how people think I'm bad and demanding it in my own way, like my way about things, like they think other people do, too, with things.  It's like people accept me and then others say I forced them and need to not communicate.  It's a toss-up about that and how I'm treated, but I think I'm treated that way because of it.

These problems prevail in some of the US.  Sometimes, other countries don't have to deal with these problems.

I used to be encouraged, and now I keep being told I'm trying to force people to do things for me.  If anyone does anything for me, people tell me I'm bad!  What is their problem!  They are freaks!  I am afraid they are unintelligent.  They are easily persuaded and worried and make snap decisions that affect their lives.  I cannot live with juggling messages I did not even request.  I was off and happy, and now I'm the juggled bad guy.

I guess people were right.  Hollywood is shit.  Don't throw your worthless life away to be even more worthless.  It's all about people who play music, sing, and do ballet.  I was interested in a specialty already.

People are putting me in the wrong, saying I demand people to do things somehow.  I always was very polite about this and said no one had to do anything for me.

I just know that people seemed to get in the way of my life.  I'm not supposed to forget it.

I am sad about my life, too, and I don't really know how to be happy.  I want some kind of field of expertise, like my lifelong dream, and to live in Europe.  I'm too old for anyone to care about me now in the real world.

So, if I was born as a Late Boomer or their Generation Z kid, I would be worthy of being happy socially?  I am kinda happy, but a lot of strange things happen, where I'm apprehensive of life and trying to concentrate.

Not everyone does music, but anyone can do art.

I saw a young American couple move to Switzerland.  I hope I can move to Europe, too, specifically Germany also for its classical music, primarily my learning violin and being a former piano major.

Some people know musical theater.

We just have children's music very young and then it's pop.

1 + 1 = 2

People in the US who are young are not taught to "like" opera nor classical music.

Me

I wonder if Asian children think Asian animation like Kung Fu Panda are weird.

I'm tired of certain people, acting all knowing of my once private life.

People keep getting in my face acting awkward and getting under my skin and wonder why bad thoughts come to mind and say I'm bad "telepathically" if it does.

Actually, they bring other people into the picture who are not supposed to be in harm's way.

People, these days, keeping turning on to the idea they think I am in trouble and that no one else is.  It's not like that.

I want to be away from some people, too.  They think I am submitting to them.

Well, I finished cleaning.  Eating and tired.  Need a shower and practice violin and bed later!

When people try to dissuade you, they don't dissuade themselves.

HUH!

I just put a bunch of stuff in a garbage bag to get rid of.

I just have to organize art and office supplies, mostly, shuffle things around ... oh, and furniture!

I saw it all before, and I see it all, now.

Will it cost me that I don't have approval in certain ways, or should I not worry?

Airheads Commerical

It's cool to see the guy look so excited when he looks up and says, "Why not? Come on!"  He's probably a good friend.

Isn't it pathetic how people are suddenly opening up to/about me to hurt me, pretending they were very social to me, in my past life?

Did you notice the bad people really are bad and if some of the good people aren't good they just aren't good enough and not actually bad?

Remind me again why your life at the present is pertinent and mine is shit from certain kinds of people I can't get rid of?

Do you ever waste time sitting there moping because of what other people did?

Why would someone tell me someone older I get along with is "not all that?"  Why would I talk to someone who says that to me, instead?

Someone keeps trying to be the one to ruin my life.  Other people aren't in my position.

...They might even talk to you themselves, instead.

I thought maybe things would be okay.  I know people who act interested until it comes time to being nice to someone who's not bad.  They try to control your life by keeping you from talking to people you like and get along with.

People are being sloppy and using me to take care of their shit on my life.

It's funny how some people are okay, even if they are all the same in some way, and others aren't, like in how people tell you you're treated.

also, bathroom stuff to get rid of

I wish I owned nicer pajamas, underwear, bras, socks...

Next month, I may get a new Google Chromebook.  The keys keep sticking on the one I have.

I'm nothing, and I own nothing.  I started some exercises.  I hope I clean up by the end of today so I can do some more, need it.

Well, 3 huge boxes like you get from Wal-Mart, packed away.

I've cleaned the boxes mostly.  Just some more things.  Then, I've got to get them outta here.

I have 4 big boxes of things to go through and maybe get rid of.  So far, mostly music books.

I am cleaning everything, again.  Time for a break and to go to bed maybe/hopefully.

People used to like me.  What happened?

Some people think I am bad because I ran into trouble in school and have been asked to leave certain things, for reasons of personal weakness, not to do with academics.

Why am I in critique with a lot of the world? like for some cool things like Hollywood.  I think I am a vehicle for other people to get ahead and have something like me to complain about.  Being bad makes people have fun.

Someone talks to me "telepathically" like I'm crap, while they're interested in what other people have to say in supposed sincerity.  They control the world by threatening to hurt me.  They are realizing they don't want me to tend to my feelings.  They think I'm crap for some reason.

Update

I updated it again.

Update

design of my primary blog

People outside of the US and especially in Europe protect people born during Late Boom.

The Dolphins are on, again!

I think people in the Orlando area beating people to death socially and in agitation who are not all white is their bad, not that of other races.  There is nothing wrong with them, the people of other races.  They live in other places, too, and this doesn't happen there.

They put something stupid on TV... a psychiatric patient, normal girl a little overweight, was tied up and just pushed herself away from a table.  That's not unheard of.  They act like that means she's mentally ill, but normal people do that and she must be very mad and uptight and feeling weird there.

England - Up to No Good

They like bad white Americans but good Germans.

I want to know why you can't be considered healed from mental illness because I am a dependent and am forced to take the drugs.  Do some exercise, eat some good food, those little "mood swings" will get better.

People keep acting like the nonwhite race I have is "something I did wrong."  They won't leave me alone, either.

So do annoying people like me or rather just people I know?

Some treatments worsen people ... wait ... in all cases, in some way.

Do people tend to mock and accuse the mentally ill?

Oh, no!  Russians need strong drugs for mental illness.

Put Hitler against America, but don't kill anyone.

Psychiatrists think the world is rightly labeled as not good enough.

Just ask the beasts, the more mature adult women.

They want to feel good and say I'm not white and therefore it doesn't matter.

"Psychiatry: Creating Racism"

They said psychiatry only causes problems and heals none.

Smart Guy

Americans resort to racism like Hitler just to blame their problems, but they want to make sure no one can live anywhere of any race, like say if they let minorities have America.

Oh?  Some German Jews are so sweet about things like other races, like Asians.

What I got from some German Jews was that they really were bitter about Germans.  I don't have the same problems.

Psychiatry: An Industry of Death is on.

I think a German is talking, sounding smart like an Asian.

I know one thing "wrong."  I can't get like I'm born later with 2 Late Boomer parents.  So, life is different messages to me.  It's not really my fault.  Most people suck worse than me.  People just like to see me a certain way.  I just hate being in trouble, suddenly about who I am.  Someone acted like I wasn't good enough, whereas, before, I was, and she seems to have some of the same problems because we lived in the same area.  Where I moved, girls all did dance since they were a toddler and stayed happy, if they didn't do anything else.  I know one girl with sorta long German last name did soccer with her dad and older sister and was in Talented Art.  Another girl had white hair and was really hot and did sports, in high school.

People are not liking me because of my family but elevating them like they are above me, family and friends.

Who do you think you are now, my parents?

I want to have fun.  I'm not living with abusive restrictions.  No one can fool me...

Does every generation and generation's kids have their own point of basing thought and psychedelic freaking out?

I will start preparing to move to Germany, but I may wait until I'm more advanced in violin if I need to.  Also, I might need a house so I can practice, without neighbors in apartments hearing.

Suzuki for violin has 10 levels and I'm finishing 2 and have 3.

Do you ever feel closed up and like guilty to others if you aren't like amazing like God, like then you're done?

Well, I just did some chores, putting off the folding and ironing.

Do you ever wonder if some people always get along and others one little thing off now and then and no?

I'm putting off cleaning, er, throwing like everything away.

I guess Americans who take ballet are expected to major in musical theater in college.

I danced here at age 12, 13, and 14.

I guess if my room will be so nice.  I can add more furnishing, too.

I wonder if I'll make Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year, this year.  There has to be "love" behind it all.

I need to improve my quality of life as much as I can.

I'll have more room, when I clean.

My back just hurt.

I want to get rid of almost everything I own ... and do some laundry, though it may be time to rest for me.

It can be hard to inspire yourself.

What if family and forgotten friends started to follow you everywhere?

Violinists show off they practice a lot just to be good at playing a lot of notes, and I have good arms and hands, though nobody cares if I'm on top, same with other things, like ballet and singing and acting.

You know how Americans are all with Europeans on saying, "See, my look was attractive.  It was white."

Here's maybe a Dutch harpist who reminds me of me, a way England seems to have mocked and Germany:

Creeping Up

Not that I have much to do with anyone, but they thought since I was good that I should be seen as bad and other people should be seen as better than me.

I wonder how someone feels about the prospect that certain other people have gone in and gave in and said I wouldn't do soon.

If people really were into one another, why ruin my life in the process?

Do you feel people are uptight and expect things from you in picky ways?  Why would life be so unnecessarily complicated for some people who don't want to live like that?  People must find common ground basing their problems against me with one another.  Bah!  They shouldn't look into it too much.  I didn't do these things people say I did, that people wanted me to be uptight about.

What if some people were a little naughty and wanted to play cello because they thought the violin had problems and made fun of it?  Would that mean I would have to sacrifice my built interest in violin, through the grapevine because of them, like to trade but for no real reason?  Would people still care about them and/but at my expense?  It always happens in movies; before someone gets in trouble and something bad happens to them, they goof up in some other way, like it matters and fascinates the writer.

When something comes to me, it feels like Jacksonville, not "Germany" or "England."

Jacksonville is the major city of Northeastern Florida.  I've lived there.

Like, when I have to figure something out and I can't think, I get this more like that.

I'm lurking on a message board and just got the image of someone, maybe an Asian man who's not too skinny, smiling and then gliding past.

Why are they so intent on sheltering me or barricading me?

I keep feeling guilty for not liking some people so much.

Some people just acted a certain way that assumed something happened that supposedly didn't happen.

Being Grouped With Older People as a Generation

Why should I be grouped with my dad as a generation?  I don't think this is right.

I used to be normal and good and no one bothered me.  I pretty much almost never messed up.

However, now, it seems people are "playing smart with me" and acting like they know I'm gonna have an attitude and things are gonna tick the wrong way as a community of people.  It feels like people are all up in me.  It's so awkward.  It's like, where did they come from?  I thought only Mom and Dad did that, which in some ways they seem more distant though I'm more sensitive to being offended.

I notice that with younger people, some older adults say they get the ball rolling with them and try to enlighten me with feeling occupied like I'll get things I can't get, as a diversion where they are just too scared to let me live my life.  So, I "wait it out" and younger people they "try" to see if they can cheer them up from personal problems like their parents's mistakes, while I'm forgotten and they justify that fact with things like being racistly intrusive to me, maybe preventing me from socializing or making me confused like nothing matters anymore, like people believe, like after 18.

So, I used to feel good because I was good at not messing up in how I act, and I had privacy and a wonderful world.  People see in me a fight coming when I didn't intend for it, and I sorta guarded off the attacks.  It was because other people did it, too.  So, people gradually and "creatively" infiltrated themselves in me, like they were more than just me.  I wait for things I never get, and people take credit for what I do for myself integrated in this agitation.

See, the thing is I don't start attacks with people, but if they bother me and get under my skin too much I don't know what to do.  They won't stop.  It's like I said, I used to have my privacy and never meant to hurt anyone emotionally.  I can't stand some things, and that's why I'm saying this now.  This is one way I deal with it.  My point wasn't to sound mean.  If you'll notice, I basically said I was happier before and had more privacy and now I feel awkward and irritated.  I compared myself to younger people and white people or non-Asian people.  What it is is like they get things I don't get socially, not saying I don't get anything nor should be that unhappy when it comes to life in general in every way.  It comes in the form of that they get the ball rolling, but I'm left being ransacked and like I'm waiting for what people younger than me already do, though it never happens.

I need money and might have bad credit from a debt.

Should I wait until I finish the last book of Suzuki violin to move to Germany?

I wonder if people mistake my German for Chinese because they are big.

I just had a strange feeling that I'm not even interested in people, who are on Facebook.  The internet may be cool, but the people on it are still just the people that they must have been before.  Is Facebook everyone's "last resort?"

I noticed I am treated badly like I have to believe I am in trouble, and it's catching on and people think they are above me, just because of racism and I'm not perfect.

The people involved monitoring me in private are saying and unsaying things.

Some people channel their anger to me but I am at risk of losing all lest I flinch, what if I have not all already.

What if you couldn't say anything because you were considered bad, like me? though I'm not really.

The US

Have you ever heard the phrase "do the work?"

I'm dejected.

They keep finding more problems.

Already Lying

They are just ruining my relationship with an older lady one step at at time.  They are acting like I have to go find her before it stops.

The people monitoring me in private are superstitious I'm happy.

They want Generation X together just in case.  Fuck off!

Liars

Females relating to females are supposed to exist.  It's not gay to relate to a female like a female.

Last night, I finished starting all the songs of Suzuki 2 on violin.

While I'm busy fighting, what the fuck is everyone else doing?

I always was reserved to an older lady I like, and it feels like they think I was not okay, in this kind of regard.

What if a certain person does it too who says I didn't get what I want like I want him?

The people monitoring me in private give me more problems than I have in real life.

I can see the nastiness in the old men supposedly involved monitoring me life, not like dads but like brothers who don't know what they're doing.  I get nothing like most people, and if I have a hardship they say it's not good character.

It's like some people are just messengers to me on a board game of life.

When I feel good, they get mad.

They ruined my relationship with others to ruin my life.

They are ruining an older lady I like.

They won't stop molesting the older lady I like.

They're superstitious and controlling my life and others in it.

They want to take away my being able to sense things, they said it when I thought I closed the door aggressively but not slamming it.  They won't stop.

Get this, though...  I went to use the bathroom and closed the door aggressively to signal the person making the annoying noises to stop but not slamming it.  Then, they emitted I can never have my relationship.  People are acting like it all around from the monitoring me in private.  I was just trying to eat and my family was always on the verge imprinting a bemused smile to me.  The people monitoring me in private keep acting bemused and batshit crazy getting under my skin too.  Now, they won't stop bothering me, too.  I am worried they are not really women.

The people monitoring me in private are acting like I can't have a relationship with someone who likes me and who I like.

I'm not sure what's off.  I'm dressed.  I just had a meal with my family, and something seemed wrong about me, like it was too late to change how I was.  I feel funny about how some present themselves.  Already, I felt I was in for it.

I wish things were better for someone regarding some people in my life.

Please don't mistake my sincerity.

I want to do something smart, but I'm just going to bed.

The IMDb parody boards can't tell me what to do.

I think the people monitoring me in private are mad at me.

No wonder some people don't post.

What I say is not taken as important nor means anything to anyone.

Does Ellen DeGeneres believe in making others famous but not herself?

I wonder what my old peers are up to.

The last thing an old friend did was get upset I didn't assume to wait for her for a project, before she stopped talking to me normally.

My life is such a joke.  Things I say alter the course of my future because people think they can take my thoughts and jots the wrong way.

Did someone set me not to be accepted?  What's the problem now.  Who knows what will be decided tomorrow.

So, when I'm not in disagreement, what can I do?

Do people with older parents just copy older generations and force younger ones to accept it?

So, now what do I get to do?  No one trusts me but trusts my kinda crowd?

I blame my old friends and family in all its extension.

OK

I lost my friends and didn't make new ones.

Message Board

I said this:

Re: Are you afraid of what older adults tell you to do?

Someone else said this:

I don't do what no one tells me to



Okay, so am I the sacrifice?  Who did this?  I need to know.  Older people?  Is there something wrong with talking to me?  I may not have the same opinion tomorrow or when I wake up.

I'm not up for this kind of retarded excitement.  I wonder if I'll make it to bed.

I don't really trust the people monitoring me in private over her.

In the end, it's a racist "accident."

They put her in a position people can't refuse.  Also, putting someone in the face of a bipolar nation can only equal war.

They started to mention an older lady I like being mistreated in suggestive ways, like she doesn't matter as long as she's nice to me.

The people monitoring me in private keep beating at me.

What if no one was allowed to post about Ellen DeGeneres? or watch her show if they wanted to?

Other people are allowed to talk about Ellen DeGeneres, and I respected her first.

It doesn't matter what they say.

How can people tease me about a relationship with an older lady I already gave?  What are they always on about?  Did I lose it altogether?

I shouldn't be in trouble with people important in my life.

So, why can't these bad people be ignored?  They're simply up to no good.

The people monitoring me in private seem to be imprinting on my existence the influence of the ways of someone which I try to avoid.  I'm trying to ignore them, right now, because I'm not here to follow this.

The world is shit.

They're just a bunch of racist vagrants.

What are they counting on?  For some mixed race person to become a fair weathered celebrity but not live gloriously like people like Marilyn Monroe?

Marilyn Monroe

(image credit)

I can't sleep!

I'm having fun, but I'm not having fun with some of the things people waste time negotiating on about my life, like that I'm in trouble and nothing I do anyone likes to talk to me.

What can I do for my life?

I already had priorities set.

Funny Words I Thought Of

insecure

not "on rapport"

People have annoyed me and get onto me when I think about them in a certain way.

My life goes that my relationship with an older lady randomly pops up as being "stolen" by others I know.  It's so pathetic yet sad, people trying to be something at the last minute with some things but not caring to talk to me otherwise.

We are not all the same, and we are not all going to be!

Everyone went somewhat unnecessarily and insincerely wild about something it seemed like maybe I could get, but now it's used as a permanent disciplinary tool, by making it then not true for me, according to people monitoring me in private who negotiate with the people I talk to.

"Where is the love?"

Why can't we just ignore some things?

Like, some people don't get along, but we work on that.  You don't have to cancel all your other plans in the shadows.

A Guide to the Truth

I'll show you not to discipline me.

What if ... Younger people cannot be racist to me in one way, or else.

What if ... Older people can't "get" whatever they want, or else their generation doesn't matter, which I guess for some that's unfortunately already true.

I didn't really fight or hurt anyone like other people.

Funny people who can't have normal conversations.

Star From Dirty Dancing Looks Like Me - 1987

(image credit)

Dirty Dancing 1 will be on again.

Why did Generation X have to Learn Early Boomers but not Late Boomers.

Why are movies less than appealing cast combinations?

Why do some people have such a sense of humor when you stumble over something mentally?  Why not just move on and not scare people?

Why do I have to deal with some people?

I wonder when people "don't wanna..."  Maybe, they don't, now.

Hollywood is meaningless.

People act bad/mean.

You never even meet those people.  They are locked away in huge buildings and can't earn a living.

Who cares about Latinos and Europeans?  They just wanna fuck blondes.

I wonder why my parents had an eager girl like me turn out like this, especially my dad because he is American and white and my mom is Asian.

People become famous when they talk to me a little so they can't talk to me a lot.

Funny my dad doesn't address my mom's cooking but addresses her parenting, when we're in the 6th dimension.

Germans seem dangerous if unhappy.  Pathetic, though.

How sarcastic is "the look on people's faces" who emulate someone I actually still like because I accidentally spammed advice to my friends/family in 2007?  I never thought whatever people said, and I certainly never said anything like that to anyone.

Are Latinos etc. always looking to pretend there's a fight in me while a fight definitely comes out of them.

So, can we be friendly terms?  I'm not looking for a good time.

So, did you know people will blame other races for not working on their own? like their children in schools.  Lazy, God damn Americans.

The main character in Dirty Dancing 2 saw herself as more European in some way and said she was going to the Cuban club in a funny way, like she'll impress people to what lengths she'll go to say they're shit.

Why do people have to give me such a hard time?

No one gives a care about people telling only others to be overly careful like they need it.  That's rude.  Tell Ellen DeGeneres that, and you'd be in big trouble.

No one is perfect.

Only "white" people get away with it.

Simple as that.

I can't escape!!

Oh, I'm so sorry.  Not much else is happening.  I feel like I'm drunk, too.  I didn't post it, just thought it.

So, someone was nice to me but now overly critical like people do when they are drunk.  Race.

Harvard-Like Intelligence

Black people get down with the Spanish but should leave them be.  When it comes time to identify your race, they are with the whites.  Have fun with the whites everyone loves.

People can say I'm a loser, for some reason, when I'm not even fighting.

Dirty Dancing 2 will be on soon!

It's interesting the rules certain people make for others.  Did I do something!?

Update

I added a link to my deviantART on the side of this blog: link.

On TV

Road Trip to the Arts: The Florida Keys

An Asian put herself up for me.  She's Asian.

Do you feel used? like you should have been clean from the womb? but you meet more people and find they are cleaner from who they've talked to but not how much?

Nobody's perfect.

So, I was mistreated, on purpose, for bad reasons.

I don't know where I heard this...

...I think my dad

1970

I didn't even attack anyone!  The people monitoring me in private etc. translated it that way!

What if it happened to me?  People would attack and it'd be my fault I disagreed and moved around a little.

I just want the nagging to stop about the fact I actually said it.  I am into sociology.  Germans can act how they want and get away with it.

People see me through blacks and Asians, but they are wrong because I don't talk to white people like I'm black or Asian.

I didn't know Germans get the jiggy with it, like in Orlando, Florida, US.

I can see myself as failure right now.

Anyway, it seems important.

People won't stop getting mad for posting about what they do without naming them.  I didn't hurt them, but I would like to talk to people.

It's funny I'm moving there.

I am superior to Germans.

Some people are mad they are capable of hurting me because they are jealous.

Oh, for what reason?  Like, because I said it?

Some Germans seem upset at me, fact.  I think they are singling me out without a good, concrete, well-defined reason.  I think these things are a threat to innocent people.

I feel unwanted and incompatible living at home but bad to leave it.  I don't have a life, here, outside of home.

Why am I getting that I'm not even allowed to think what I want? that I'm worth something and I'm me?

To give away my DVDs, books, and music books, or not to give them away, that is the question!

Everyone thinks they've proved me shit.

"Famous Last Words"

"I want her to have something."

I was fine with other generations, but people are going in and messing with my life.

You didn't suddenly get smarter than me.  I'm too good for that or anything to do with anyone like that.

There's nothing there.

Early Generation X teamed up with Early Boomers to parent us Generation XY by doing stupid things, to say if we feel a bit giddy and moody and sorta mock life that we're being bad and that they're just there to tell us not to do that, but nothing important or adequately intelligent or even right.

I'm trying to address my problems.  I want something social to talk about.

Why throw me away with my dad?

Because he had a kid like me and was born in 1950?

When People Watch TV

Usually, it seems 8-10 PM.

Why do people think they can tell me what to do?

It seems like all my blogging is meaningless and I'm gonna die when I'm 90.

I came in a good girl, and the Orlando / "Central Florida" area started out bad and quickly flashed into putting on an act.

I give up on clothes!  It's too much money.

Why are people thinking I am bothering them to say I'm not really my dad and I'm not my mom's race as inferior as a living being?  I like animals, too!

Piano Music

This reminds me of one of my piano teachers I had in the late 1990s.

New, Affordable Idea for Outfit Style

 

Sample New Outift

Baton Twirler

(image credit)

I need to get it together.

I need to eat more of more food.

I have Sloppy Joe's to finish with buns I dislike with it.  Maybe, I should get chicken patties that go with them.  Mash some potatos, get some canned veggies/legumes.

I feel some people following me like I still like them and they want me out of another relationship.

I bet he gossips, in his own way.

Someone is bothering me because I talked about them and what they did to me.

Orchestra, Band, or Pop Music?  Which do you like?

Is the discontinuation of the popularity of MySpace and Johnny Depp a sin?  Is Ellen DeGeneres still the same?

Why are some people respected more than me?

Asians have to be so careful around white people, who get whatever they want, easily, so that it's unfair and no one knows what's going on.

How do you know if you like anyone, these days?

Okay, so, what started Johnny Depp's popularity after Pirates of the Caribbean?

Update

I edited the background picture for christinabarrett.com.

I'm "getting" the Early Boomers who people aren't as social about as you'd think they'd claim to be.

Update

I edited my layout for christinabarrett.com.

They are ruining my life for posting about what Ellen DeGeneres does.

I feel unaccepted for not being a total blonde my whole life.

Baby Boomers just say Generation X is not good enough, no matter what.

"U R the 1" on Music Choice

I think this rare CD was released in 1997 and is hard to find the CD of.

I respect people like Ellen DeGeneres, but they trick me and then are mean to me.

I think of bad words by accident because Ellen DeGeneres acted like I already thought violent thoughts and said not to.  I've been watched and it's stuck.

Just because I am nice to my parents doesn't mean I don't want to do anything, in life in the world.  What about Mother Teresa?

Someone seems surprised if I share traits with other white people.

In piano, I did, I think, 6 books.

Most Americans may be cuter, but I explained I went through hardship from others and have it together more otherwise.

A priest thinks I want to be trash and am.

Suzuki

There are 10 books, and I am almost done with 2. There aren't many songs in it, though, maybe around 10 or so. I plan to record a video of myself playing all the songs in each book and posting it on my YouTube.

(image credit)

People think there is no reason for me to be happy.

Someone keeps being mean to me.

My life is shitty because of other people, but other people still hate me and see it in the worst possible way in some cases.

People make friends with other races to look good and attract pity but have to ruin their life and dump them.

Not scared to be happy, not scared to be mean.

Some people would do something wrong to someone if they wouldn't get caught by the police.

A Happy Plan

I already cleaned.  I want to own, like, nothing, but for things like violin books, clothes I like, maybe my DVDs unless I can sell them.

I am trying to move to Europe, specifically Germany I want and to learn violin.

Oh well, it's still too late.  No one trusts me to behave appropriately.

I wonder if psychotic medicine messes with my mind.  I might have more energy and fight in me without it.

Post on Message Forum by Me

"Re: Which periods in history had the best Fashion?"

(image credit)

I was told by 2 music schools I need to take dance.

I guess/remember I do have a middle range look on the chart of specialties.

Bella Thorne comes from a family with a good mom.

(image credit)

These 3 together make a statement.

(image credit)

(image credit)

(image credit)

a child actor

I'm glad I'm not white.

(image credit)

I need to work on my goals.

Now, I'm not all about online.  I'm about what's offline that goes online, too.

Some people are really losing their eye on the prize if I don't care.

It's their fault.

It seems like everyone else has given up on life.

Now, everyone else traded places and are sweet and innocent.  Good for them; I'm strong and mighty, supernatural powers.

People are leaving Generation X to their own resources.  If Generation YZ panics, it's okay.

My life used to mean something, but people want me to even it up to theirs, like we mean business.

Pretty much, I'm not liked.

What, "nothing I say means anything?"

What, "I don't matter?"

People know I am leaving and some are making it hard for me.

I was gonna go somewhere but maybe need more sleep.

I never get to say anything, but it's too bad I don't feel good about how easily and how huge of trouble I get in, when there are other things in my life that are important.

Who made it so I sorta lost some of my relationship or will have different ones instead?  It's hard to say it's anyone's fault.  If it doesn't make sense.  Apparently, I'm just too stupid.

I feel like I was offered something and then it was laughter that "it's a given" I "don't get it."

Some people think they are too good for me.

People in Orlando act like they're over me and innocent.

I allotted time in my life giving up on other things and it's been used up.

You wish he'd keep to himself if he's that powerful.

I keep getting moles.

There's a priest at church.  He communicated to me that, every time I shake his hand, I get a mole or if I wore my iPod Shuffle.  One of these things or both happened.  I don't even go to church, now.  You know, a little sketchy dark mark or a little bump on my skin.

My life is so shitty in some ways, and I can't find a way out.  I wanted better exercise.  The buses take a long time, though.

Should I secure a life of excitement in Germany in US relations?

"Don't listen to..."  Check.

I didn't have a problem.

Did you know it's too late?  I'm sorry I didn't make it before I existed.  What to do about how the world is, now?  I don't have a car and am tired on medicine.  I feel something drawing me to do something in the US first when I was excited to move to Germany.  Well, technically, I should move to Europe, ASAP.  I've never been there, yet.

Suddenly, people think I was always worthless compared to everyone else, when I think they are all unappealing.

My life degenerates.

It's like my life doesn't matter.

Stupid racist people act mean just in case all of a sudden to me racially like I've always been treated that way or should have.

People think that sometimes black people symbolically represent me.

I could have had a good relationship, but people keep ruining it, like the people monitoring me in private, Orlando making it so hard for me to focus since I'm not born here, some people I know always onto me...  I'm in trouble if bad words come to mind by accident when attacked repetitively because someone pointed out I shouldn't do it when I never thought of violence/harm, before.  I'm mad about me being in trouble and everyone else is okay in the end.

I know my mixed race is why people are mean just to me.

They act like I'm going to cross over to them.

They don't hate on Germans.

and Italian Americans

Why do Latinos keep hating on me, some of them?

It's like I'm already in trouble.

My life is so bad.

I'm in trouble even though I am nice to someone.  Who knows what the next thing to say is?

Someone can't stand me, and so people are monitoring me in private restricting what I can post online without them hurting me..

People keep saying I wanted something that wasn't right and that my instincts saved me.

It seems like no one likes anyone because they like Ellen DeGeneres better or Johnny Depp.  It doesn't mean you have to like anyone less.  There are lots of people who aren't famous who are not bad.

Meanwhile...

...there seems as though there is no legitimate hope for me because I didn't start violin early enough and maybe damaged my arms when upset because of watching Ellen DeGeneres and talking to fans of Johnny Depp.

....an older lady I like was inappropriately stimulated when exploited.  Now, I have to juggle the idea that the people monitoring me in private had it done.  People don't always feel like they matter to me then.


...people think I am bad because I accidentally spammed some people and was upset at others.  They all blocked me, though I was just having a hard time and they wouldn't talk to me.  This wasn't yesterday; this was over 10 years ago.

...It was uptight watching The Ellen DeGeneres Show every day in 2012-2016.  She didn't really accept me and exploited an older lady I like, with the excuse she found out.

Update

My Primary Blog

Biography:

•playing keyboard

I feel like something stopped.

I would not want to be like Ellen DeGeneres and see all those movies and things every day.  Celebrate her!

Update

My Primary Blog

Biography:

•former music major

It seems like it's all about inappropriately stimulating an older lady I like, here for me with Orlando and the people involved monitoring me in private.  It's like the people closest to me lied, where for a long time it was about my hardships I could not escape, though I never said they had to do it.  This was supposedly a good thing for me, but it got taken away, in that it's getting more to be that the purpose is to make her giddy in weird ways, like the "go to" thing to do.

Andrew Lloyd Webber

Stairs without railing was put in The Phantom of the Opera.

When Jesus Christ Superstar streamed throughout the world, the police were taken out.


So, I guess he's becoming more modern or something, trying to change things.  It is his work, but music is music and belongs to everyone.  Yes, I respect him, but I noticed this and it was funny.

Hurrying up and Packing My Things

Eventually, I will own almost nothing so I can move easily to Germany.

I am having problems being such a European mutt, like the world passed me by.

Miami Dolphins!

I'm suffering because of when people started talking to me monitoring me in private.  I'm considered worthless.

Do people have mysteries in their life?

They just look to the parents and, in some ways, relatives?  And Baby Boomers are bad?

I guess classical musicians are more genuine outside of their craft than film actors like Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka and the pirate and the phantom in my last post.

What do you think of the phantom?

I used to have long pink of fingernails as a toddler but my mom cut them for me, which I like.  Now, they developed a weird, average look.. They don't look good with long pink because of the shape of my fingers and hands.

Who to trust who?

Many people are trying to punish me.

Update

I updated my biography on my main blog: link.

Is it my fault I feel like I was murdered? or did drinking and getting drunk have a role in it?

I can just see my future self lying on the street, "covered in blood," not such a painful death as it could be.  Too much TV about this stuff.

What?  My life is so worthless because I live in Orlando etc. that I cannot even sacrifice it for something or someone worth it.

I've already thought of it.

Smart people must be treated well first.

Update

I updated my biography on my main blog: link.

I might like life, just not the people in it.

People also get attention for not practicing traditional things.  They do "new" things.

Did you know that people who are attractive for working with things like acting and feelings ... it looks like there might not be anything in that regard, just that they oversaw the work like an indifferent, disconnected worker who likes to play with art rather than become it, like the people they take care of.

I got the idea from Doug; Doug's romantic big sister was directing students.

Doug is on, reminds me of the Peanuts.

It's funny how some people think you were in their life.

New Facebook

link

Here's a little song ...

I'm learning Suzuki 2 and here is one song I am doing, 1st in the book.  Funny, I don't even use vibrato in the songs, yet.  I didn't even find this song emotional.

People are obsessed with rather childish people with young dads and/or 15-year-old moms.  Only recently, did they get the signal to pretend to grow up, in some way, just to hide what they're really up to.  You know you can act young again, especially when you are still young and active.

Some people have kids very young, like 20.  Are they becoming competition to normal people?

People keep simply getting in my way hating on me stupidly.

People keep indulging an older lady I know in bad ways.

What do I do that is so bad?

Why do people assume I am bad because I am not a Late Boomer?

Why do some people try to appeal to me to "get a rise" out of me to think something that makes an older lady I know upset? likes saying, "Yes, Christina, you did this, something wrong."

I don't see many young people.

I should move to Germany young because it is in Europe, so I don't waste my younger years being ployed by the USA.

The people involved monitoring me in private keep acting like an alarm is going off now concerning an older lady I know.

I used to get to talk to some people more, but I think something bad happened because they don't talk as much, in general.

I bet German Americans would like another girl who is half Asian and half Western European, like west of Germany.

I miss being a music major.  I wanna go back, but I feel decrepit.  Also, it's 14 years later.  I have been singing.  I can still play piano but haven't been much.

I was in this string class in college, and I was good.  No one said anything directly to me about it.  At another music school, an older guy said he did harp as a group class and toured I think The Sound of Music playing harp.  I was gonna keep up violin.  It might have been hard also doing piano and organ, which I had to drive to a church to practice, maybe M-F, but not for many years total playing organ, 1 in college.

People used to find me accomplished: art, music, etc., clubs in high school.  I don't know why I would seem dormant now.  I'm good at posting online now because it's been 10 years I mainly did that more than anything.  You know, like talking well.  I didn't remember I wanted to play violin, but I ended up doing that after all these years.  I've been playing 3 years.  I may have damaged arms from when I was upset watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and some before from being upset at racism against me online on the Johnny Depp board.

Just to let some of you know who are genuinely interested, I do one little thing wrong and only my world falls apart or that of those I know.  Other people get away with being mean.

People here in Orlando are in my face making me feel since I am nice I have to say no one should talk to me.

I feel rather tired but not like I'm gonna drop or am uninterested in doing things that are easy, like posting online.

Orlando is fixed I am the bad one.

It seems Generation X is unsuccessfully stimulated by Late Boomers.

I feel hatred 24/7 for defending myself because I got physically upset some walking home.

Do people get on Ellen DeGeneres's good side for being mean to someone she is against?  She knew about me, though it's not my fault, and she went against me.

Am I a bad person compared to others my age?

Something Funny

There's an older lady I know, and we have a good relationship. 

I was underground famous before I met her.

Some/Many of the people I come across in the Orlando area learned of the lady I met, and in the end I was punished for no reason and she was suggestively underground famous, exploited, and I became an enemy to some/many people I encounter.  The whole world has her in the back of their mind, and it must stimulate her in weird ways.  She's not the same as before, in some bad ways.  Everyone flocked to this person I know through my underground fame because of her race and age and because they were jealous so to ruin it for me.  This is the first time they did something to that degree to someone I knew.

What's so funny is the people in Orlando always dote on her.  Like, if she tries to do be nice to me instead of using her underground fame over me, people are like, "Oh, you, cute thing! Sneaky!"  They came into the situation and forgot about me being important, like with my relationships.  About her being my friend, they think something like, "Oh, you, cute thing!  [She needs to be stimulated.]"  She was a very good, strong person, and people just wanted to believe she was their new toy, particularly I know happens maybe more here where I live, in the Orlando / Central Florida area.

I can't trust Generation X to be parental to me and nice to me because, while wanting to look good in their relation to people from Generation Y etc., they just forget about it and something bad happens, too.  They go so drowsy, like they totally forget about things, and it ends up affecting my life, socially, because people judge my thoughts on the inside they can read into, so I have no chance to think in private.  They think they ended up having to discipline me, pretending I thought something wrong under pressure.  Some of these people act like they did so much right and had such discipline.  I feel like Generation X just uses Generation Y to look good and they stopped being as attractive, as we got out of high school.  They usually don't do much for us.  They are more like drowsy siblings that want to be seen as parental to us.

Southerners in the USA

I lived in the South my whole life, Florida and New Orleans.

Southerners with Southern ancestry repeat themselves when you already thought about it.

Southerners copy Northerners.

If I mated a man my age, a part black person would be nice.

What is so attractive about my generation being parental / like parents to when they see kids today?

Should people in power be well-fed?

Flash Mobs

I took these down from my main blog this afternoon.

This is from Minnesota, USA.



Australia!



Orlando, Florida, USA

I am having trouble sleeping like I don't get tired, but when I sleep it's a long time waking up once or twice in between.  I think it's the medicine.

Line Dancing

Catholic Hymn

Catholic Hymn

Me Singing

April 13, 2016

Me Singing

April 8, 2016

My School Music Recital

I won 3rd place for writing this.

My Ballet Recital 2006

I start on the very left.   I was a music major here 2004-2005.

Story by Me - Written Just Now

I've written many stories following this plot.


There was a house in America in the Midwest filled with Germans, Scandinavians, and Russians.  Their history went back 200 years.

There was a big house, where many citizens inhabited it.


In the 2nd basement, which was the lowest, there lived a little girl named Christina.  She was 9 years old.  She owned a small blue-gray kitten, which drank cream from a little bowl.  She was wearing a black dress.  Her hair was black, sorta set the par for what was what naturally.  Her eyes were actually more green, rather than brown or blue or yellow.  Her nose was dainty with a point and well embedded in her sometimes rather curious face.  Her skin was lily white, and her lips and cheeks were pink like petunias.  She also loved wearing her boots.  She had a rather plain room and her bed stowed away.  Most of the things they had they shared.  Like, they had 7 different Bibles, and so on.  Mass was a glorious event every 14 days.  They wore fancy hats and dresses.

Today, Christina was playing with another girl who was 5 years old.  Her name was Bridget.  She was a young girl with light brown hair, blue eyes, and fair skin.  She sobbed to Christina, who was resilient, because life was so moody during this Romantic era.  She was in a silky yellowish dress and little girl shoes.  Christina picked her up and held her and spoke to her for about 5 minutes.  She took her upstairs, where she was helped to nourishment.


What happened was that there was magic, witchcraft and wizardry.  The house was large and many adults inhabited.


They were going on a caravan to a carnival.  They went and made camp a bit more than halfway.  They surrounded the camp with fire.  A young girl with straight, light, reddish brown hair who was only just 6 named Lucy woke up terrified to see a large wolf looking at her.  Christina awoke a man, and another girl who was 8 tended to Lucy.

Finally they arrived.  Christina went in the tunnel of love.  There were other older people on this magnificent trail, but most people shunned it.


They returned home.  Then, they were going to all trek the land and sail overseas.  That they did, leaving their "things" behind.  There were some adult women and men here.  The men were speaking of business.  Christina was quite a lady.  She sat nostalgically on the bay, while other girls moped about, tired from the trip and apprehensive to the doings of what was up ahead.  A few older girls got together and made chat.  The older ladies held the toddlers or young children.  The kids were rather moody about whether or not they wanted to socialize.  In the end, with the help of the "parents" or adults, they did.  Some of them sat in their laps, and some of them were carried.  One girl named Shirley sat in the lap of a woman, while the woman stroked her and was able to kiss her and held her cooing her and talking.  So, Christina meandered about thinking back on what she knew and a lady came over to her who could tell she was actually seriously moody and comforted her and picked her up and rocked her, while serious thoughts overcame her.  Another girl who was 11 with smooth red hair was also feeling moody and was settled down by another lady and picked up.

Finally, the boat arrived, and the girls were all sent snug to sleep, while the older girls were tended to that they get to sleep soundly, as well, and that their moods be recognized.  They arrived in the Netherlands, and they stayed there and had fun exploring mysterious feelings and having fun with life, in a new way for a change for them.


They were to go somewhere else.  Somewhere, there was danger, so the group split up to help out in different places.  Christina became a maid for a mother with 2 daughters and helped get things done.  In the end, she left and moved to Africa and learned secrets of life.  After that, the people she knew networked back again and told what had happened.