Why am I in critique with a lot of the world? like for some cool things like Hollywood.  I think I am a vehicle for other people to get ahead and have something like me to complain about.  Being bad makes people have fun.

Someone talks to me "telepathically" like I'm crap, while they're interested in what other people have to say in supposed sincerity.  They control the world by threatening to hurt me.  They are realizing they don't want me to tend to my feelings.  They think I'm crap for some reason.

Update

I updated it again.

Update

design of my primary blog

People outside of the US and especially in Europe protect people born during Late Boom.

The Dolphins are on, again!

I think people in the Orlando area beating people to death socially and in agitation who are not all white is their bad, not that of other races.  There is nothing wrong with them, the people of other races.  They live in other places, too, and this doesn't happen there.

They put something stupid on TV... a psychiatric patient, normal girl a little overweight, was tied up and just pushed herself away from a table.  That's not unheard of.  They act like that means she's mentally ill, but normal people do that and she must be very mad and uptight and feeling weird there.

England - Up to No Good

They like bad white Americans but good Germans.

I want to know why you can't be considered healed from mental illness because I am a dependent and am forced to take the drugs.  Do some exercise, eat some good food, those little "mood swings" will get better.

People keep acting like the nonwhite race I have is "something I did wrong."  They won't leave me alone, either.

So do annoying people like me or rather just people I know?

Some treatments worsen people ... wait ... in all cases, in some way.

Do people tend to mock and accuse the mentally ill?

Oh, no!  Russians need strong drugs for mental illness.

Put Hitler against America, but don't kill anyone.

Psychiatrists think the world is rightly labeled as not good enough.

Just ask the beasts, the more mature adult women.

They want to feel good and say I'm not white and therefore it doesn't matter.

"Psychiatry: Creating Racism"

They said psychiatry only causes problems and heals none.

Smart Guy

Americans resort to racism like Hitler just to blame their problems, but they want to make sure no one can live anywhere of any race, like say if they let minorities have America.

Oh?  Some German Jews are so sweet about things like other races, like Asians.

What I got from some German Jews was that they really were bitter about Germans.  I don't have the same problems.

Psychiatry: An Industry of Death is on.

I think a German is talking, sounding smart like an Asian.

I know one thing "wrong."  I can't get like I'm born later with 2 Late Boomer parents.  So, life is different messages to me.  It's not really my fault.  Most people suck worse than me.  People just like to see me a certain way.  I just hate being in trouble, suddenly about who I am.  Someone acted like I wasn't good enough, whereas, before, I was, and she seems to have some of the same problems because we lived in the same area.  Where I moved, girls all did dance since they were a toddler and stayed happy, if they didn't do anything else.  I know one girl with sorta long German last name did soccer with her dad and older sister and was in Talented Art.  Another girl had white hair and was really hot and did sports, in high school.

People are not liking me because of my family but elevating them like they are above me, family and friends.

Who do you think you are now, my parents?

I want to have fun.  I'm not living with abusive restrictions.  No one can fool me...

Does every generation and generation's kids have their own point of basing thought and psychedelic freaking out?

I will start preparing to move to Germany, but I may wait until I'm more advanced in violin if I need to.  Also, I might need a house so I can practice, without neighbors in apartments hearing.

Suzuki for violin has 10 levels and I'm finishing 2 and have 3.

Do you ever feel closed up and like guilty to others if you aren't like amazing like God, like then you're done?

Well, I just did some chores, putting off the folding and ironing.

Do you ever wonder if some people always get along and others one little thing off now and then and no?

I'm putting off cleaning, er, throwing like everything away.

I guess Americans who take ballet are expected to major in musical theater in college.

I danced here at age 12, 13, and 14.

I guess if my room will be so nice.  I can add more furnishing, too.

I wonder if I'll make Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year, this year.  There has to be "love" behind it all.

I need to improve my quality of life as much as I can.

I'll have more room, when I clean.

My back just hurt.

I want to get rid of almost everything I own ... and do some laundry, though it may be time to rest for me.

It can be hard to inspire yourself.

What if family and forgotten friends started to follow you everywhere?

Violinists show off they practice a lot just to be good at playing a lot of notes, and I have good arms and hands, though nobody cares if I'm on top, same with other things, like ballet and singing and acting.

You know how Americans are all with Europeans on saying, "See, my look was attractive.  It was white."

Here's maybe a Dutch harpist who reminds me of me, a way England seems to have mocked and Germany:

Creeping Up

Not that I have much to do with anyone, but they thought since I was good that I should be seen as bad and other people should be seen as better than me.

I wonder how someone feels about the prospect that certain other people have gone in and gave in and said I wouldn't do soon.

If people really were into one another, why ruin my life in the process?

Do you feel people are uptight and expect things from you in picky ways?  Why would life be so unnecessarily complicated for some people who don't want to live like that?  People must find common ground basing their problems against me with one another.  Bah!  They shouldn't look into it too much.  I didn't do these things people say I did, that people wanted me to be uptight about.

What if some people were a little naughty and wanted to play cello because they thought the violin had problems and made fun of it?  Would that mean I would have to sacrifice my built interest in violin, through the grapevine because of them, like to trade but for no real reason?  Would people still care about them and/but at my expense?  It always happens in movies; before someone gets in trouble and something bad happens to them, they goof up in some other way, like it matters and fascinates the writer.

When something comes to me, it feels like Jacksonville, not "Germany" or "England."

Jacksonville is the major city of Northeastern Florida.  I've lived there.

Like, when I have to figure something out and I can't think, I get this more like that.

I'm lurking on a message board and just got the image of someone, maybe an Asian man who's not too skinny, smiling and then gliding past.

Why are they so intent on sheltering me or barricading me?

I keep feeling guilty for not liking some people so much.

Some people just acted a certain way that assumed something happened that supposedly didn't happen.

Being Grouped With Older People as a Generation

Why should I be grouped with my dad as a generation?  I don't think this is right.

I used to be normal and good and no one bothered me.  I pretty much almost never messed up.

However, now, it seems people are "playing smart with me" and acting like they know I'm gonna have an attitude and things are gonna tick the wrong way as a community of people.  It feels like people are all up in me.  It's so awkward.  It's like, where did they come from?  I thought only Mom and Dad did that, which in some ways they seem more distant though I'm more sensitive to being offended.

I notice that with younger people, some older adults say they get the ball rolling with them and try to enlighten me with feeling occupied like I'll get things I can't get, as a diversion where they are just too scared to let me live my life.  So, I "wait it out" and younger people they "try" to see if they can cheer them up from personal problems like their parents's mistakes, while I'm forgotten and they justify that fact with things like being racistly intrusive to me, maybe preventing me from socializing or making me confused like nothing matters anymore, like people believe, like after 18.

So, I used to feel good because I was good at not messing up in how I act, and I had privacy and a wonderful world.  People see in me a fight coming when I didn't intend for it, and I sorta guarded off the attacks.  It was because other people did it, too.  So, people gradually and "creatively" infiltrated themselves in me, like they were more than just me.  I wait for things I never get, and people take credit for what I do for myself integrated in this agitation.

See, the thing is I don't start attacks with people, but if they bother me and get under my skin too much I don't know what to do.  They won't stop.  It's like I said, I used to have my privacy and never meant to hurt anyone emotionally.  I can't stand some things, and that's why I'm saying this now.  This is one way I deal with it.  My point wasn't to sound mean.  If you'll notice, I basically said I was happier before and had more privacy and now I feel awkward and irritated.  I compared myself to younger people and white people or non-Asian people.  What it is is like they get things I don't get socially, not saying I don't get anything nor should be that unhappy when it comes to life in general in every way.  It comes in the form of that they get the ball rolling, but I'm left being ransacked and like I'm waiting for what people younger than me already do, though it never happens.

I need money and might have bad credit from a debt.

Should I wait until I finish the last book of Suzuki violin to move to Germany?