I am depressed I'm not really good at violin, but it's a rewarding experience that someday I may be in an orchestra.  I kinda wanna enjoy watching performances, too, so I'm not sure what I'll do.  I was thinking of having a lesser fun making CDs.  I was good at piano/organ, but I'm not sure what I'm good at now.

Orchestras are okay.  I just realize they are inflexible and maybe I should look into other things, though I don't know how if I'm tired on psychotic medicine where I sleep 12 hours a day and learn violin.  There's really no way out.  I guess I'm upset I'm not doing piano or organ because I know I could play.  I was encouraged in organ, but I lost those skills more than piano because I did piano longer, though maybe I was equally good at both, in some way.  I might be good at music to a degree, but I am not a social violinist.