I used to be normal and good and no one bothered me.  I pretty much almost never messed up.

However, now, it seems people are "playing smart with me" and acting like they know I'm gonna have an attitude and things are gonna tick the wrong way as a community of people.  It feels like people are all up in me.  It's so awkward.  It's like, where did they come from?  I thought only Mom and Dad did that, which in some ways they seem more distant though I'm more sensitive to being offended.

I notice that with younger people, some older adults say they get the ball rolling with them and try to enlighten me with feeling occupied like I'll get things I can't get, as a diversion where they are just too scared to let me live my life.  So, I "wait it out" and younger people they "try" to see if they can cheer them up from personal problems like their parents's mistakes, while I'm forgotten and they justify that fact with things like being racistly intrusive to me, maybe preventing me from socializing or making me confused like nothing matters anymore, like people believe, like after 18.

So, I used to feel good because I was good at not messing up in how I act, and I had privacy and a wonderful world.  People see in me a fight coming when I didn't intend for it, and I sorta guarded off the attacks.  It was because other people did it, too.  So, people gradually and "creatively" infiltrated themselves in me, like they were more than just me.  I wait for things I never get, and people take credit for what I do for myself integrated in this agitation.

See, the thing is I don't start attacks with people, but if they bother me and get under my skin too much I don't know what to do.  They won't stop.  It's like I said, I used to have my privacy and never meant to hurt anyone emotionally.  I can't stand some things, and that's why I'm saying this now.  This is one way I deal with it.  My point wasn't to sound mean.  If you'll notice, I basically said I was happier before and had more privacy and now I feel awkward and irritated.  I compared myself to younger people and white people or non-Asian people.  What it is is like they get things I don't get socially, not saying I don't get anything nor should be that unhappy when it comes to life in general in every way.  It comes in the form of that they get the ball rolling, but I'm left being ransacked and like I'm waiting for what people younger than me already do, though it never happens.