Wednesday, September 5, 2018
Tuesday, September 4, 2018
Someone keeps acting like I'm just a bad person and focuses on affecting me negatively. They are in my life a lot, in some ways it seems, partially because other people know them.
Whenever I tell my therapist about this person, she thinks that's just me, being silly.
I wonder if I can ignore it. I was excited on having a better relationship, possibly, and am somewhat sad about maybe leaving home.
I just am interested in this person's and others's following fixation on me as an unacceptable person, treated racistly, as well.
Whenever I tell my therapist about this person, she thinks that's just me, being silly.
I wonder if I can ignore it. I was excited on having a better relationship, possibly, and am somewhat sad about maybe leaving home.
I just am interested in this person's and others's following fixation on me as an unacceptable person, treated racistly, as well.
I'm less inclined to be hypnotized by a mother, and I'm less inclined than others to get mushy with my dad. However, I think my dad has been secretly mothering me because my mom is Asian and I'm 1/2 Asian 1/2 Caucasian.
I was successful and independent, but people said just talk to your family and my dad wants to shelter me all of a sudden all grown up and good.
I was successful and independent, but people said just talk to your family and my dad wants to shelter me all of a sudden all grown up and good.
Monday, September 3, 2018
No one has the right to the point of being like sued to say I expected and forced them to do anything for me, and that's all some people do to me; it's because I already set that I expect nothing from anyone if I say anything. I have a lot of things going for me, but some things too good are ruined.
People used to encourage me, but they all surrounded me like I was eternally in love with someone and they surrounded me and said, "Bad, bad!" Before, you'd be beat to suggest that of someone that was exploited who's older than me who I have a relationship with. Goes to show you what's lies and trash in this world.
My old priest was indeed good, but many people like to be the way they are and don't think it's all about being tall and skinny. He's also cool because I like big noses and he has a pronounced nose. He has black hair, pale skin, and strong blue eyes. It's also considered a certain stereotype, in some ways. He seems to be very defensive of who he is here in Orlando, been here since the early/mid 1990s. He is from West Virginia and maybe Southwestern Pennsylvania I think. He must be born in the 1950s. He keeps bouncing back between being stern and laid back / casual socially.
Why Irish Marry Germans in America
It's a bargain because the Irish immigrated here later than say the Pennsylvania Dutch, who are Swiss mostly, though I am unsure also significant German population, being the biggest ethnicity in the US.
Also, some of the Irish don't live on farms, unsure the quantity. So, it's the money. There is a clear prejudice against farmers.
Also, some of the Irish don't live on farms, unsure the quantity. So, it's the money. There is a clear prejudice against farmers.
Since when am I "chopped liver" and other people are off-limits to talk to? Why did adults act so open, like a trap so they can punish us like we knew we weren't supposed to? ...because I have a priest I gave some presents to, like religious letters, a sympathy card, little office supplies added as goodies... and he's always downright nasty to me and I don't even go to church because it sucks in my life otherwise. People are always doing whatever they want to me. I thought Baby Boomers were always open to Generation X.
I feel like the US is a childhood home. I feel like I'd need to move to another state in it, like Washington, to feel like an accomplished adult.
I used to think of things like getting a doctorate in Music Education or becoming a CEO so I'd be a happy worker in old age, too, though a lot of people boast about retiring young.
I used to think of things like getting a doctorate in Music Education or becoming a CEO so I'd be a happy worker in old age, too, though a lot of people boast about retiring young.
I was thinking of going back to community college to finish the AA. There's sorta offshoot reasons for me not to ever be in college that I get tortured if I do by little noises in my room and around my environment, aliens or not, etc., the way my computer loads. The real reason was because I am a music major and other classes are in the way, though I wasn't advanced enough nor prepared for a conservatory. I'm also teaching myself Germany so one day I can live there.
I just enrolled in General Psychology online for the 2nd half of the Fall. Now, to see if financial aid works out at this community college and if the other community college will answer back. That was about all that was available it seems that I have planned to take. I was thinking of going back already in 3 courses on campus, but my financial aid didn't work anyway and it was the school's fault. School can be stressful, especially with a lot of homework. I did 18 hours online at another community college but didn't pass any of them though did a lot of work.
Sunday, September 2, 2018
So, no plans for school, training, just learning violin on my own. I can use my money to eat and buy some things I need now.
I don't want to grow old with my parents in Orlando. I had thoughts of auditioning to go back to my old college. I was thinking of moving to Germany, but I'm not sure how that would go. I do want to teach myself German still, using Duo Lingo and Tinycards on my cellphone.
I don't want to grow old with my parents in Orlando. I had thoughts of auditioning to go back to my old college. I was thinking of moving to Germany, but I'm not sure how that would go. I do want to teach myself German still, using Duo Lingo and Tinycards on my cellphone.
Why do people fight over people like Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and Ellen DeGeneres? Even if people like watching them, people still are troubled by the statement made and constantly nag and give others such a hard time about it, somehow. I think it's because some people like people who make these problems more than people who don't. It's like they never grew up.
I might do modeling classes, just so I can do something at a good pace.
I really put my all into violin, but I feel both discouraged and encouraged. I even was blamed like I was rebelling to do modelling, too, if I can afford it on side of saving for doing some music in Germany.
What with my room clean, I am all set to go, nothing to worry about.
I can't exactly pinpoint why, but I said I felt pushed to do something other than violin because I don't wanna live at home forever and not travel somewhere out of Orlando again. I hope I can do classical music, in some way. The modeling is fun, too, no lines to memorize.
I really put my all into violin, but I feel both discouraged and encouraged. I even was blamed like I was rebelling to do modelling, too, if I can afford it on side of saving for doing some music in Germany.
What with my room clean, I am all set to go, nothing to worry about.
I can't exactly pinpoint why, but I said I felt pushed to do something other than violin because I don't wanna live at home forever and not travel somewhere out of Orlando again. I hope I can do classical music, in some way. The modeling is fun, too, no lines to memorize.
I am depressed I'm not really good at violin, but it's a rewarding experience that someday I may be in an orchestra. I kinda wanna enjoy watching performances, too, so I'm not sure what I'll do. I was thinking of having a lesser fun making CDs. I was good at piano/organ, but I'm not sure what I'm good at now.
Orchestras are okay. I just realize they are inflexible and maybe I should look into other things, though I don't know how if I'm tired on psychotic medicine where I sleep 12 hours a day and learn violin. There's really no way out. I guess I'm upset I'm not doing piano or organ because I know I could play. I was encouraged in organ, but I lost those skills more than piano because I did piano longer, though maybe I was equally good at both, in some way. I might be good at music to a degree, but I am not a social violinist.
Orchestras are okay. I just realize they are inflexible and maybe I should look into other things, though I don't know how if I'm tired on psychotic medicine where I sleep 12 hours a day and learn violin. There's really no way out. I guess I'm upset I'm not doing piano or organ because I know I could play. I was encouraged in organ, but I lost those skills more than piano because I did piano longer, though maybe I was equally good at both, in some way. I might be good at music to a degree, but I am not a social violinist.
Reply on a Message Board to Another Poster by Me
I'm no expert in anything. I can only give you life experiences.
You keep speaking of others, friends, people, etc… What I'm saying is the only person you need to answer to you. You need to be able to live yourself first. If things in your life aren't working then it's up you to change it. You can't rely on others. Once you get rid of the negatives in your life you can then start to be satisfied.Okay. I was happy with violin. I just don't know if I can do it.
I never meant to say you weren't good enough. People will treat you the way you treat them. If they don't then it's time to move on from them.Yea, things are good. I just hope I can actually play, violin.
Find your one true passion and go for it. If it's music then put everything into that and never look back. It doesn't matter what others think. If it's your passion then it's worth doing. Only you can can dictate your life.It's funny I was a music major, but I mightn't mind being a singer. Maybe, acting is a bit far fetched to pursue, anyway, considering I'd been doing music growing up.
What I meant as far as relationships is if you expect certain things of others you can be disappointed. Try to only rely on yourself first.Well, it seems like things were okay until other people involved themselves, like the person I have a relationship with needed them. It was too much, and sacrifices were made on my part like you said, if something bothers you eliminate it, except that thing that was eliminated was something about me, to other people and in some ways how the person I have a relationship can feel about me, pretty sick that people can do that and just figure it already happened.
There's nothing wrong with people liking you. You just can't expect that everybody will like you. That's not realistic. We're all different. That's what I mean if somebody in you life is bringing you pain then it's better to eliminate them. I know it sounds harsh and it's difficult but it really is better for your peace of mind.If other people broke something in my life, I intend to get it fixed. That happens to be another person in some "relationship.
Yes, if you're looking for answers by posting on these kinds of places that doesn't make sense. Most of the time in can be more detrimental to you.Right, but sometimes I feel accused for posting about the truth, like instead of looking for help am looking to demand and nobody wants me because it's an accident.
I'll say it one more time, if people are judging and getting angry with you for things you do then maybe these are not the people you want in your life.I know, but people know about the person I like and won't stop bothering us.
People basically seem almost as though they have succeeded in taking a relationship away from me. I'm always told I'm bad to have it, it seems. That effects day-to-day, eventually, and what seems to be true or necessary. Relationships are an important thing because people are supposedly important. I like this relationship a lot. However, when I hear myself say I like my relationship, I used to feel encouraged and now feel cast away.
So, how can I eliminate people in public constantly thinking about us because it supposedly made the person I have a relationship with uncomfortable? Even if they care and don't try to stir things up, I'm worried the relationship still is uncomfortable. I think maybe not, but it might be a little of both enjoyment and being nervous, which in general nervousness is okay.
Supposedly, people know about what she thinks in ways she doesn't seem to say herself. She used to not be upset herself with me. People just keep wanting to say I'm being selfish because she has a relationship with me. How do I get rid of those people? That's something that makes her uncomfortable about me.
Thanks for all your help and support while I figure these thoughts. You basically are into elimination. Is this a forever strategy or hoping things will iron out, like if someone else distracted other people instead of my relationship? I used to be seen as amazing for dealing with a lot of people knowing me, but now it's like I'm not needed and I can't believe it, just because the person I had a relationship with got it, instead.
To answer your next question, I think Ellen DeGeneres somehow "telepathically" channeled my relationship to the world when Hillary Clinton lost the Presidential Election in 2016, and my relationship has become exploited. Her reason is because she thinks my generation's parents are hard on us and she doesn't want to get in trouble by letting us have too good of a time, in ways we want to, even when it doesn't have to do with her. It seems like one element of being gay? to go further, I mean to worry about being too nice to people with harsh parents. Not sure if you/anyone gets this, already or something. I don't enjoy being put on the spotlight about this if no one's supposed to talk about it. Ellen DeGeneres is so critical and others about how I talk about them.
I don't know why people are so offensively good-to-go about the fact that my relationship is partially ruined. Also, I was interested in someone else and lost more of my relationship when I was through with the other person, who still comes into my life sometimes that I thought wouldn't bother me, while others don't do that. I think some people I knew turned on me, too, rather than have a healthy distance.
I'm upset that I keep getting in trouble if I think of a bad word by accident when people are mean to me a lot. If so, they ruin my relationship for the time being supposedly in some way.
I am sad about how I sit here and people who monitor my life "have" to get in on the action but have to be right, when they're just getting in on the action. This isn't perfect and ruins it, too.
I'm sick of people patrolling the knowledge that I had a good relationship and they think I didn't deserve it and took it away, in some ways. Sick and gay. They keep making up an excuse saying I wasn't good enough and they're offering my relationship an alternative. I'm not even on my relationship's case, so-to-speak, just have a good relationship. These people just keep making themselves seem important and social to sacrifice my having a good relationship, without knowing what's right and following through what's right. They aren't just having a nice time. They're ruining it specifically, but they get permission and don't make the right decision; Orlando is weird, and other places might not be like this now.
People are afraid of being responsible for the fact I get attention, too. The people who "monitor me..." seemed to disappear in 2005, which is also the year they appeared, and came back when I started watching Ellen DeGeneres in 2012. They bothered me now, though, like Ellen DeGeneres was afraid to be nice to me because people see me as in trouble according to my dad... So, it's like they're here for Ellen DeGeneres. Other people were actually involved, too. I'm not sure why they disappeared and my life was made miserable too though. I felt set up, like this this you might want to think, like I can't have a relationship with anyone. I mean, was I just having problems? I was getting manipulated. I used to be into Tim Burton and Johnny Depp because they were popular etc., same with Ellen DeGeneres. I really do eliminate people from my life that seem to bounce back in things we did, according to others. I even eliminated church. I just didn't eliminate things like my relationship, you know? I like that person. I am nice to others, who aren't so nice to me in the end, so many well-regarded people.
So, I already listened to your advice about elimination. I eliminated relationships that went wrong or that I grew tired of in some way. I eliminated things that got in the way, like church and school and work for now since I live at home. What now? Why do people keep coming back who bother me?
I've sacrificed so much and prized this relationship, but it's not okay in certain ways like it was before because they became popular over me, whereas before it was me and I had my relationship. I'm not supposed to think about how I also am well-know because it makes my relationship uncomfortable. Not sure who says this, but now the relationship is so important to others that she can't talk about this part of life, which I don't know if it's important, seems to be for the relationship now. In that thinking, you'd say the relationship didn't want this fame and then shouldn't have it. However, people bet to differ. You seem to be in on people in general like this, though, saying just to forget about such a good relationship being ruined just by other people. You haven't said anything about how sweet relationships are and how sad it is. I hope you're not just jealous out of nowhere in this specific case and upset. It's okay if it sounds cool, though, and you're interested and into it...?
Okay, I know I watched Dr. Phil once for awhile, and he just solves things by eliminating relationships. I don't want to eliminate just any relationship because other people traumatized them. I eliminated other things to focus on making life better. Are you saying I don't seem good enough and I should forget it? It's not just something to brush aside as dead. It's a person. Some people need to stop exploiting my relationship and teasing the person not to care about me, surrounding the person on every side. I don't know why it's hard to ignore, but I think the person has it better where they are and not everyone always batshit crazy in every way, like a lot of people here in Orlando.
What do you think about that? I thought I'd fill you in what you seem to be missing. Guessing you don't have an answer, but thanks for your advice, thus far.
I posted this on a message board, when I posted there the blog post here titled "Anyone wanna talk?" in reply to another poster.
People think they can prove I'm the last person in to be counted as not worth it and in submission to "them" whoever "them" is… I had to move to Orlando with my family during college. Many people here act very annoyingly. I don't start anything with anyone. I just try to defend myself without them following and reacting to me every move. Maybe, it didn't affect my life too much, maybe things are getting better, but after 13 years of waste and lack of productivity to yield results I would see in the present.
So, I have this relationship, and everyone is acting like they are just playing around but are really giving me a miserable time, beating me up thinking I lost the relationship. I never saw them in real life and haven't told anyone who they were.
I wanted to be successful, probably for some social reasons. They said I was too shy to continue singing in college and I left. I lost everything, while others receive all the glory. I was interested in acting, but I already knew that doing the arts was better. When I was interested in things other than acting, my life was more profitable.
Everyone just cowers and says too bad but says it's okay to exploit my relationship. People in my life are "going along with me" thinking they made it this way on purpose and that my relationship goes along with the crowd, too.
It looks like it's too bad and pretty much you were completely nice to me, maybe didn't make complete sense in having a fighting point for what's normally right. I really am gonna remain, well, dejected. I'm not accepting any people who tell me it's too bad I don't need my relationship. I didn't even ask for that point. I had it, and bad people are in the way. I'm not even supposed to forget about it for awhile or forever. What am I supposed to do with all these different entities and signs in my life, things pointing me in different directions?
I started violin late and am doing well. I already swore my interest in the orchestra. I wanted to watch an orchestra in Germany that might be splitting up partially. I still like them. I used to do piano/organ/singing so was always used to being heard. Still, orchestral music is best and many great people must have a great time, though I assume it gets easier the better you get. So, then I also felt pulled to act. I miss ballet and minored in it in that school that kicked me out of singing. I'm not sure what I can do at this point. I'm so mad I want to be good at something but keep feeling made fun of.
So, I am upset I am unsuccessful at age 32 and am sad my parental generation is getting older and my generation's grandparents some are very old. My relationship with someone might seem okay sometimes, but then I deal with weird messages where people exploit the person and what I was wondering if anyone wanted to talk to me about was how I keep suffering the relationship, if I accidentally think of a bad word or something, more if I show any physical sign of anger, though I don't think that always works. I want to do something, but music is serious and I don't want to mess it up doing something else, too. I feel lonely how I keep being in trouble with my relationship for the reasons I said, like if I accidentally think of a bad word and people know…
I guess the point is moreso I am not on good terms about a relationship. I'm not supposed to forget it for awhile, but if anything bothers people about me in certain ways it affects the relationship for some reason because people act that way. The 2nd point was not really knowing what I want to do in music, want to be in an orchestra maybe though I may not be able to do anything. I also have to be on psychiatric pills if I live at home, and it makes me sleep 12 hours a day. I want to learn German, too, so I can move to Germany and experience music there. I'm just worried about being in an orchestra and making a commitment. I have to make money in some way, though. I guess I want to catch performances I like rather than be tied down as a performer in some ways. Maybe, I'll just make CDs, but I'm not good enough to play concertos. I'm just organizing my life, I don't expect anyone to do anything, but I am still confused if it's because A) I'm in trouble for throwing the water bottle on the floor B) people are in the way saying I'm evil and don't deserve such a found out good relationship for me or C) it was never meant to be, which I could settle with better than being evil… I also don't know if it was good for me to do something or not. Do I just sit in my room in my parents's house and rot? I do things. Like I said, I want to, I guess, investigate music or study in Europe, to live there and learn the language. I have to become something, not tossed out in the end because people told them bad things about me. People think they "caught me in the act" when I wasn't doing anything about people meeting me, like they don't want me to ever meet any person or have a good time in life. I understand I can be by myself in reality, but if I talk to someone I don't want people in the way saying it's important because I'm evil. Now, that's tacky.
You said relying on friends could make use disappointed. Well, I don't know if it was planned anyway, but people tried to split me up with a relationship I really like a lot. That's not the relationship's fault, in that way. People think I'm a relationship especially to be off the hook with, with nothing in store otherwise to speak of. People really are such chickens, all not being sure about this. Some people get it, though, and are swift about it. They don't get in the way of course and don't even "need" to talk to me.
It seems like you're also trying to say I wasn't good enough anyway and to cheer up. Is it because I threw a water bottle on the floor?
Thanks so much for your encouragement; do you have anything else to say that interests you? Sorry, no one will probably answer you, other than me. I could say more, but I have a feeling I'm starting to go in circles. I mean, what's wrong with the person liking me? Why do people keep getting in the way! It's okay in some ways, but it's too much to ignore and some places a lotta people seem all panicky and life is worse because of some people. If I wasn't in trouble, I might not have as many problems neither. I'm mostly in trouble for signs of being upset physically in public at people who act mean around me, like I stomp my foot a little or try to look at them sternly. I try to stop and have mostly. Well, that's why. People are mean to me, though, and that's why! They really did it. I don't care how. I just stomped a little, and when people kept doing it more sometimes I stomp louder next. Some people are so awkward with bemused looks and "evil" grins. If I look at someone, they bother me more, too. Maybe, people should talk about that. I've already called the police to talk about it.
Oh well, you're right, but I feel in trouble for trying to solve problems posting, too, and that doesn't make sense. People make up things, too, about what I really meant.
People think they can prove I'm the last person in to be counted as not worth it and in submission to "them" whoever "them" is… I had to move to Orlando with my family during college. Many people here act very annoyingly. I don't start anything with anyone. I just try to defend myself without them following and reacting to me every move. Maybe, it didn't affect my life too much, maybe things are getting better, but after 13 years of waste and lack of productivity to yield results I would see in the present.
So, I have this relationship, and everyone is acting like they are just playing around but are really giving me a miserable time, beating me up thinking I lost the relationship. I never saw them in real life and haven't told anyone who they were.
I wanted to be successful, probably for some social reasons. They said I was too shy to continue singing in college and I left. I lost everything, while others receive all the glory. I was interested in acting, but I already knew that doing the arts was better. When I was interested in things other than acting, my life was more profitable.
Everyone just cowers and says too bad but says it's okay to exploit my relationship. People in my life are "going along with me" thinking they made it this way on purpose and that my relationship goes along with the crowd, too.
It looks like it's too bad and pretty much you were completely nice to me, maybe didn't make complete sense in having a fighting point for what's normally right. I really am gonna remain, well, dejected. I'm not accepting any people who tell me it's too bad I don't need my relationship. I didn't even ask for that point. I had it, and bad people are in the way. I'm not even supposed to forget about it for awhile or forever. What am I supposed to do with all these different entities and signs in my life, things pointing me in different directions?
I started violin late and am doing well. I already swore my interest in the orchestra. I wanted to watch an orchestra in Germany that might be splitting up partially. I still like them. I used to do piano/organ/singing so was always used to being heard. Still, orchestral music is best and many great people must have a great time, though I assume it gets easier the better you get. So, then I also felt pulled to act. I miss ballet and minored in it in that school that kicked me out of singing. I'm not sure what I can do at this point. I'm so mad I want to be good at something but keep feeling made fun of.
So, I am upset I am unsuccessful at age 32 and am sad my parental generation is getting older and my generation's grandparents some are very old. My relationship with someone might seem okay sometimes, but then I deal with weird messages where people exploit the person and what I was wondering if anyone wanted to talk to me about was how I keep suffering the relationship, if I accidentally think of a bad word or something, more if I show any physical sign of anger, though I don't think that always works. I want to do something, but music is serious and I don't want to mess it up doing something else, too. I feel lonely how I keep being in trouble with my relationship for the reasons I said, like if I accidentally think of a bad word and people know…
I guess the point is moreso I am not on good terms about a relationship. I'm not supposed to forget it for awhile, but if anything bothers people about me in certain ways it affects the relationship for some reason because people act that way. The 2nd point was not really knowing what I want to do in music, want to be in an orchestra maybe though I may not be able to do anything. I also have to be on psychiatric pills if I live at home, and it makes me sleep 12 hours a day. I want to learn German, too, so I can move to Germany and experience music there. I'm just worried about being in an orchestra and making a commitment. I have to make money in some way, though. I guess I want to catch performances I like rather than be tied down as a performer in some ways. Maybe, I'll just make CDs, but I'm not good enough to play concertos. I'm just organizing my life, I don't expect anyone to do anything, but I am still confused if it's because A) I'm in trouble for throwing the water bottle on the floor B) people are in the way saying I'm evil and don't deserve such a found out good relationship for me or C) it was never meant to be, which I could settle with better than being evil… I also don't know if it was good for me to do something or not. Do I just sit in my room in my parents's house and rot? I do things. Like I said, I want to, I guess, investigate music or study in Europe, to live there and learn the language. I have to become something, not tossed out in the end because people told them bad things about me. People think they "caught me in the act" when I wasn't doing anything about people meeting me, like they don't want me to ever meet any person or have a good time in life. I understand I can be by myself in reality, but if I talk to someone I don't want people in the way saying it's important because I'm evil. Now, that's tacky.
You said relying on friends could make use disappointed. Well, I don't know if it was planned anyway, but people tried to split me up with a relationship I really like a lot. That's not the relationship's fault, in that way. People think I'm a relationship especially to be off the hook with, with nothing in store otherwise to speak of. People really are such chickens, all not being sure about this. Some people get it, though, and are swift about it. They don't get in the way of course and don't even "need" to talk to me.
It seems like you're also trying to say I wasn't good enough anyway and to cheer up. Is it because I threw a water bottle on the floor?
Thanks so much for your encouragement; do you have anything else to say that interests you? Sorry, no one will probably answer you, other than me. I could say more, but I have a feeling I'm starting to go in circles. I mean, what's wrong with the person liking me? Why do people keep getting in the way! It's okay in some ways, but it's too much to ignore and some places a lotta people seem all panicky and life is worse because of some people. If I wasn't in trouble, I might not have as many problems neither. I'm mostly in trouble for signs of being upset physically in public at people who act mean around me, like I stomp my foot a little or try to look at them sternly. I try to stop and have mostly. Well, that's why. People are mean to me, though, and that's why! They really did it. I don't care how. I just stomped a little, and when people kept doing it more sometimes I stomp louder next. Some people are so awkward with bemused looks and "evil" grins. If I look at someone, they bother me more, too. Maybe, people should talk about that. I've already called the police to talk about it.
Oh well, you're right, but I feel in trouble for trying to solve problems posting, too, and that doesn't make sense. People make up things, too, about what I really meant.
Anyone wanna talk?
Orlando ruined a relationship I had because I threw a water bottle on the ground when everyone around me was really trying to get under my skin and bother me.
I feel guilty about having anything, sometimes, now.
I wonder if I'm miserable how I'm treated because people are freaking out trying to get me to feel bad that no one can get along with me that seem attractive. It seems people manipulated my life the wrong way.
I don't like the way some people think about me, like I'm "a case." I grew up being about perfectly well-behaved, and now people make me really mad and say I'm no good because I got mad at people being mean to me, which they do a lot in how they act.
I knew it'd be a toss-up on how annoying it is I have to battle weird ideas of things people want and how people think I'm bad and demanding it in my own way, like my way about things, like they think other people do, too, with things. It's like people accept me and then others say I forced them and need to not communicate. It's a toss-up about that and how I'm treated, but I think I'm treated that way because of it.
I feel guilty about having anything, sometimes, now.
I wonder if I'm miserable how I'm treated because people are freaking out trying to get me to feel bad that no one can get along with me that seem attractive. It seems people manipulated my life the wrong way.
I don't like the way some people think about me, like I'm "a case." I grew up being about perfectly well-behaved, and now people make me really mad and say I'm no good because I got mad at people being mean to me, which they do a lot in how they act.
I knew it'd be a toss-up on how annoying it is I have to battle weird ideas of things people want and how people think I'm bad and demanding it in my own way, like my way about things, like they think other people do, too, with things. It's like people accept me and then others say I forced them and need to not communicate. It's a toss-up about that and how I'm treated, but I think I'm treated that way because of it.
I used to be encouraged, and now I keep being told I'm trying to force people to do things for me. If anyone does anything for me, people tell me I'm bad! What is their problem! They are freaks! I am afraid they are unintelligent. They are easily persuaded and worried and make snap decisions that affect their lives. I cannot live with juggling messages I did not even request. I was off and happy, and now I'm the juggled bad guy.
People are putting me in the wrong, saying I demand people to do things somehow. I always was very polite about this and said no one had to do anything for me.
I just know that people seemed to get in the way of my life. I'm not supposed to forget it.
I am sad about my life, too, and I don't really know how to be happy. I want some kind of field of expertise, like my lifelong dream, and to live in Europe. I'm too old for anyone to care about me now in the real world.
I am sad about my life, too, and I don't really know how to be happy. I want some kind of field of expertise, like my lifelong dream, and to live in Europe. I'm too old for anyone to care about me now in the real world.
Saturday, September 1, 2018
Friday, August 31, 2018
HUH!
I just put a bunch of stuff in a garbage bag to get rid of.
I just have to organize art and office supplies, mostly, shuffle things around ... oh, and furniture!
I just have to organize art and office supplies, mostly, shuffle things around ... oh, and furniture!
Airheads Commerical
It's cool to see the guy look so excited when he looks up and says, "Why not? Come on!" He's probably a good friend.
also, bathroom stuff to get rid of
I wish I owned nicer pajamas, underwear, bras, socks...
Next month, I may get a new Google Chromebook. The keys keep sticking on the one I have.
I'm nothing, and I own nothing. I started some exercises. I hope I clean up by the end of today so I can do some more, need it.
I wish I owned nicer pajamas, underwear, bras, socks...
Next month, I may get a new Google Chromebook. The keys keep sticking on the one I have.
I'm nothing, and I own nothing. I started some exercises. I hope I clean up by the end of today so I can do some more, need it.
Thursday, August 30, 2018
They put something stupid on TV... a psychiatric patient, normal girl a little overweight, was tied up and just pushed herself away from a table. That's not unheard of. They act like that means she's mentally ill, but normal people do that and she must be very mad and uptight and feeling weird there.
Smart Guy
Americans resort to racism like Hitler just to blame their problems, but they want to make sure no one can live anywhere of any race, like say if they let minorities have America.
I know one thing "wrong." I can't get like I'm born later with 2 Late Boomer parents. So, life is different messages to me. It's not really my fault. Most people suck worse than me. People just like to see me a certain way. I just hate being in trouble, suddenly about who I am. Someone acted like I wasn't good enough, whereas, before, I was, and she seems to have some of the same problems because we lived in the same area. Where I moved, girls all did dance since they were a toddler and stayed happy, if they didn't do anything else. I know one girl with sorta long German last name did soccer with her dad and older sister and was in Talented Art. Another girl had white hair and was really hot and did sports, in high school.
Creeping Up
Not that I have much to do with anyone, but they thought since I was good that I should be seen as bad and other people should be seen as better than me.
Do you feel people are uptight and expect things from you in picky ways? Why would life be so unnecessarily complicated for some people who don't want to live like that? People must find common ground basing their problems against me with one another. Bah! They shouldn't look into it too much. I didn't do these things people say I did, that people wanted me to be uptight about.
What if some people were a little naughty and wanted to play cello because they thought the violin had problems and made fun of it? Would that mean I would have to sacrifice my built interest in violin, through the grapevine because of them, like to trade but for no real reason? Would people still care about them and/but at my expense? It always happens in movies; before someone gets in trouble and something bad happens to them, they goof up in some other way, like it matters and fascinates the writer.
Being Grouped With Older People as a Generation
Why should I be grouped with my dad as a generation? I don't think this is right.
I used to be normal and good and no one bothered me. I pretty much almost never messed up.
However, now, it seems people are "playing smart with me" and acting like they know I'm gonna have an attitude and things are gonna tick the wrong way as a community of people. It feels like people are all up in me. It's so awkward. It's like, where did they come from? I thought only Mom and Dad did that, which in some ways they seem more distant though I'm more sensitive to being offended.
I notice that with younger people, some older adults say they get the ball rolling with them and try to enlighten me with feeling occupied like I'll get things I can't get, as a diversion where they are just too scared to let me live my life. So, I "wait it out" and younger people they "try" to see if they can cheer them up from personal problems like their parents's mistakes, while I'm forgotten and they justify that fact with things like being racistly intrusive to me, maybe preventing me from socializing or making me confused like nothing matters anymore, like people believe, like after 18.
So, I used to feel good because I was good at not messing up in how I act, and I had privacy and a wonderful world. People see in me a fight coming when I didn't intend for it, and I sorta guarded off the attacks. It was because other people did it, too. So, people gradually and "creatively" infiltrated themselves in me, like they were more than just me. I wait for things I never get, and people take credit for what I do for myself integrated in this agitation.
See, the thing is I don't start attacks with people, but if they bother me and get under my skin too much I don't know what to do. They won't stop. It's like I said, I used to have my privacy and never meant to hurt anyone emotionally. I can't stand some things, and that's why I'm saying this now. This is one way I deal with it. My point wasn't to sound mean. If you'll notice, I basically said I was happier before and had more privacy and now I feel awkward and irritated. I compared myself to younger people and white people or non-Asian people. What it is is like they get things I don't get socially, not saying I don't get anything nor should be that unhappy when it comes to life in general in every way. It comes in the form of that they get the ball rolling, but I'm left being ransacked and like I'm waiting for what people younger than me already do, though it never happens.
However, now, it seems people are "playing smart with me" and acting like they know I'm gonna have an attitude and things are gonna tick the wrong way as a community of people. It feels like people are all up in me. It's so awkward. It's like, where did they come from? I thought only Mom and Dad did that, which in some ways they seem more distant though I'm more sensitive to being offended.
I notice that with younger people, some older adults say they get the ball rolling with them and try to enlighten me with feeling occupied like I'll get things I can't get, as a diversion where they are just too scared to let me live my life. So, I "wait it out" and younger people they "try" to see if they can cheer them up from personal problems like their parents's mistakes, while I'm forgotten and they justify that fact with things like being racistly intrusive to me, maybe preventing me from socializing or making me confused like nothing matters anymore, like people believe, like after 18.
So, I used to feel good because I was good at not messing up in how I act, and I had privacy and a wonderful world. People see in me a fight coming when I didn't intend for it, and I sorta guarded off the attacks. It was because other people did it, too. So, people gradually and "creatively" infiltrated themselves in me, like they were more than just me. I wait for things I never get, and people take credit for what I do for myself integrated in this agitation.
See, the thing is I don't start attacks with people, but if they bother me and get under my skin too much I don't know what to do. They won't stop. It's like I said, I used to have my privacy and never meant to hurt anyone emotionally. I can't stand some things, and that's why I'm saying this now. This is one way I deal with it. My point wasn't to sound mean. If you'll notice, I basically said I was happier before and had more privacy and now I feel awkward and irritated. I compared myself to younger people and white people or non-Asian people. What it is is like they get things I don't get socially, not saying I don't get anything nor should be that unhappy when it comes to life in general in every way. It comes in the form of that they get the ball rolling, but I'm left being ransacked and like I'm waiting for what people younger than me already do, though it never happens.
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
Already Lying
They are just ruining my relationship with an older lady one step at at time. They are acting like I have to go find her before it stops.
Liars
Females relating to females are supposed to exist. It's not gay to relate to a female like a female.
Get this, though... I went to use the bathroom and closed the door aggressively to signal the person making the annoying noises to stop but not slamming it. Then, they emitted I can never have my relationship. People are acting like it all around from the monitoring me in private. I was just trying to eat and my family was always on the verge imprinting a bemused smile to me. The people monitoring me in private keep acting bemused and batshit crazy getting under my skin too. Now, they won't stop bothering me, too. I am worried they are not really women.
Message Board
I said this:
Re: Are you afraid of what older adults tell you to do?
Someone else said this:
I don't do what no one tells me to
Okay, so am I the sacrifice? Who did this? I need to know. Older people? Is there something wrong with talking to me? I may not have the same opinion tomorrow or when I wake up.
Re: Are you afraid of what older adults tell you to do?
Someone else said this:
I don't do what no one tells me to
Okay, so am I the sacrifice? Who did this? I need to know. Older people? Is there something wrong with talking to me? I may not have the same opinion tomorrow or when I wake up.
The world is shit.
They're just a bunch of racist vagrants.
What are they counting on? For some mixed race person to become a fair weathered celebrity but not live gloriously like people like Marilyn Monroe?
What are they counting on? For some mixed race person to become a fair weathered celebrity but not live gloriously like people like Marilyn Monroe?
Marilyn Monroe
People have annoyed me and get onto me when I think about them in a certain way.
My life goes that my relationship with an older lady randomly pops up as being "stolen" by others I know. It's so pathetic yet sad, people trying to be something at the last minute with some things but not caring to talk to me otherwise.
My life goes that my relationship with an older lady randomly pops up as being "stolen" by others I know. It's so pathetic yet sad, people trying to be something at the last minute with some things but not caring to talk to me otherwise.
"Where is the love?"
Why can't we just ignore some things?
Like, some people don't get along, but we work on that. You don't have to cancel all your other plans in the shadows.
Like, some people don't get along, but we work on that. You don't have to cancel all your other plans in the shadows.
A Guide to the Truth
I'll show you not to discipline me.
What if ... Younger people cannot be racist to me in one way, or else.
What if ... Older people can't "get" whatever they want, or else their generation doesn't matter, which I guess for some that's unfortunately already true.
I didn't really fight or hurt anyone like other people.
What if ... Younger people cannot be racist to me in one way, or else.
What if ... Older people can't "get" whatever they want, or else their generation doesn't matter, which I guess for some that's unfortunately already true.
I didn't really fight or hurt anyone like other people.
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
Hollywood is meaningless.
People act bad/mean.
You never even meet those people. They are locked away in huge buildings and can't earn a living.
You never even meet those people. They are locked away in huge buildings and can't earn a living.
Harvard-Like Intelligence
Black people get down with the Spanish but should leave them be. When it comes time to identify your race, they are with the whites. Have fun with the whites everyone loves.
There's nothing there.
Early Generation X teamed up with Early Boomers to parent us Generation XY by doing stupid things, to say if we feel a bit giddy and moody and sorta mock life that we're being bad and that they're just there to tell us not to do that, but nothing important or adequately intelligent or even right.
Monday, August 27, 2018
"U R the 1" on Music Choice
I think this rare CD was released in 1997 and is hard to find the CD of.
Suzuki
There are 10 books, and I am almost done with 2. There aren't many songs in it, though, maybe around 10 or so. I plan to record a video of myself playing all the songs in each book and posting it on my YouTube.
A Happy Plan
I already cleaned. I want to own, like, nothing, but for things like violin books, clothes I like, maybe my DVDs unless I can sell them.
I am trying to move to Europe, specifically Germany I want and to learn violin.
I am trying to move to Europe, specifically Germany I want and to learn violin.
Sunday, August 26, 2018
Did you know it's too late? I'm sorry I didn't make it before I existed. What to do about how the world is, now? I don't have a car and am tired on medicine. I feel something drawing me to do something in the US first when I was excited to move to Germany. Well, technically, I should move to Europe, ASAP. I've never been there, yet.
I could have had a good relationship, but people keep ruining it, like the people monitoring me in private, Orlando making it so hard for me to focus since I'm not born here, some people I know always onto me... I'm in trouble if bad words come to mind by accident when attacked repetitively because someone pointed out I shouldn't do it when I never thought of violence/harm, before. I'm mad about me being in trouble and everyone else is okay in the end.
Meanwhile...
...there seems as though there is no legitimate hope for me because I didn't start violin early enough and maybe damaged my arms when upset because of watching Ellen DeGeneres and talking to fans of Johnny Depp.
....an older lady I like was inappropriately stimulated when exploited. Now, I have to juggle the idea that the people monitoring me in private had it done. People don't always feel like they matter to me then.
...people think I am bad because I accidentally spammed some people and was upset at others. They all blocked me, though I was just having a hard time and they wouldn't talk to me. This wasn't yesterday; this was over 10 years ago.
...It was uptight watching The Ellen DeGeneres Show every day in 2012-2016. She didn't really accept me and exploited an older lady I like, with the excuse she found out.
....an older lady I like was inappropriately stimulated when exploited. Now, I have to juggle the idea that the people monitoring me in private had it done. People don't always feel like they matter to me then.
...people think I am bad because I accidentally spammed some people and was upset at others. They all blocked me, though I was just having a hard time and they wouldn't talk to me. This wasn't yesterday; this was over 10 years ago.
...It was uptight watching The Ellen DeGeneres Show every day in 2012-2016. She didn't really accept me and exploited an older lady I like, with the excuse she found out.
Saturday, August 25, 2018
I feel like something stopped.
I would not want to be like Ellen DeGeneres and see all those movies and things every day. Celebrate her!
It seems like it's all about inappropriately stimulating an older lady I like, here for me with Orlando and the people involved monitoring me in private. It's like the people closest to me lied, where for a long time it was about my hardships I could not escape, though I never said they had to do it. This was supposedly a good thing for me, but it got taken away, in that it's getting more to be that the purpose is to make her giddy in weird ways, like the "go to" thing to do.
Andrew Lloyd Webber
Stairs without railing was put in The Phantom of the Opera.
When Jesus Christ Superstar streamed throughout the world, the police were taken out.
So, I guess he's becoming more modern or something, trying to change things. It is his work, but music is music and belongs to everyone. Yes, I respect him, but I noticed this and it was funny.
When Jesus Christ Superstar streamed throughout the world, the police were taken out.
So, I guess he's becoming more modern or something, trying to change things. It is his work, but music is music and belongs to everyone. Yes, I respect him, but I noticed this and it was funny.
Hurrying up and Packing My Things
Eventually, I will own almost nothing so I can move easily to Germany.
Is it my fault I feel like I was murdered? or did drinking and getting drunk have a role in it?
I can just see my future self lying on the street, "covered in blood," not such a painful death as it could be. Too much TV about this stuff.
What? My life is so worthless because I live in Orlando etc. that I cannot even sacrifice it for something or someone worth it.
I can just see my future self lying on the street, "covered in blood," not such a painful death as it could be. Too much TV about this stuff.
What? My life is so worthless because I live in Orlando etc. that I cannot even sacrifice it for something or someone worth it.
Did you know that people who are attractive for working with things like acting and feelings ... it looks like there might not be anything in that regard, just that they oversaw the work like an indifferent, disconnected worker who likes to play with art rather than become it, like the people they take care of.
I got the idea from Doug; Doug's romantic big sister was directing students.
I got the idea from Doug; Doug's romantic big sister was directing students.
Friday, August 24, 2018
Here's a little song ...
I'm learning Suzuki 2 and here is one song I am doing, 1st in the book. Funny, I don't even use vibrato in the songs, yet. I didn't even find this song emotional.
People are obsessed with rather childish people with young dads and/or 15-year-old moms. Only recently, did they get the signal to pretend to grow up, in some way, just to hide what they're really up to. You know you can act young again, especially when you are still young and active.
Some people have kids very young, like 20. Are they becoming competition to normal people?
Some people have kids very young, like 20. Are they becoming competition to normal people?
I miss being a music major. I wanna go back, but I feel decrepit. Also, it's 14 years later. I have been singing. I can still play piano but haven't been much.
I was in this string class in college, and I was good. No one said anything directly to me about it. At another music school, an older guy said he did harp as a group class and toured I think The Sound of Music playing harp. I was gonna keep up violin. It might have been hard also doing piano and organ, which I had to drive to a church to practice, maybe M-F, but not for many years total playing organ, 1 in college.
People used to find me accomplished: art, music, etc., clubs in high school. I don't know why I would seem dormant now. I'm good at posting online now because it's been 10 years I mainly did that more than anything. You know, like talking well. I didn't remember I wanted to play violin, but I ended up doing that after all these years. I've been playing 3 years. I may have damaged arms from when I was upset watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and some before from being upset at racism against me online on the Johnny Depp board.
I was in this string class in college, and I was good. No one said anything directly to me about it. At another music school, an older guy said he did harp as a group class and toured I think The Sound of Music playing harp. I was gonna keep up violin. It might have been hard also doing piano and organ, which I had to drive to a church to practice, maybe M-F, but not for many years total playing organ, 1 in college.
People used to find me accomplished: art, music, etc., clubs in high school. I don't know why I would seem dormant now. I'm good at posting online now because it's been 10 years I mainly did that more than anything. You know, like talking well. I didn't remember I wanted to play violin, but I ended up doing that after all these years. I've been playing 3 years. I may have damaged arms from when I was upset watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and some before from being upset at racism against me online on the Johnny Depp board.
Something Funny
There's an older lady I know, and we have a good relationship.
I was underground famous before I met her.
Some/Many of the people I come across in the Orlando area learned of the lady I met, and in the end I was punished for no reason and she was suggestively underground famous, exploited, and I became an enemy to some/many people I encounter. The whole world has her in the back of their mind, and it must stimulate her in weird ways. She's not the same as before, in some bad ways. Everyone flocked to this person I know through my underground fame because of her race and age and because they were jealous so to ruin it for me. This is the first time they did something to that degree to someone I knew.
What's so funny is the people in Orlando always dote on her. Like, if she tries to do be nice to me instead of using her underground fame over me, people are like, "Oh, you, cute thing! Sneaky!" They came into the situation and forgot about me being important, like with my relationships. About her being my friend, they think something like, "Oh, you, cute thing! [She needs to be stimulated.]" She was a very good, strong person, and people just wanted to believe she was their new toy, particularly I know happens maybe more here where I live, in the Orlando / Central Florida area.
I can't trust Generation X to be parental to me and nice to me because, while wanting to look good in their relation to people from Generation Y etc., they just forget about it and something bad happens, too. They go so drowsy, like they totally forget about things, and it ends up affecting my life, socially, because people judge my thoughts on the inside they can read into, so I have no chance to think in private. They think they ended up having to discipline me, pretending I thought something wrong under pressure. Some of these people act like they did so much right and had such discipline. I feel like Generation X just uses Generation Y to look good and they stopped being as attractive, as we got out of high school. They usually don't do much for us. They are more like drowsy siblings that want to be seen as parental to us.
Wednesday, August 22, 2018
Southerners in the USA
I lived in the South my whole life, Florida and New Orleans.
Southerners with Southern ancestry repeat themselves when you already thought about it.
Southerners copy Northerners.
Southerners with Southern ancestry repeat themselves when you already thought about it.
Southerners copy Northerners.
Flash Mobs
I took these down from my main blog this afternoon.
This is from Minnesota, USA.
Australia!
Orlando, Florida, USA
This is from Minnesota, USA.
Australia!
Orlando, Florida, USA
Tuesday, August 21, 2018
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