Well, I just did some chores, putting off the folding and ironing.

Do you ever wonder if some people always get along and others one little thing off now and then and no?

I'm putting off cleaning, er, throwing like everything away.

I guess Americans who take ballet are expected to major in musical theater in college.

I danced here at age 12, 13, and 14.

I guess if my room will be so nice.  I can add more furnishing, too.

I wonder if I'll make Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Year, this year.  There has to be "love" behind it all.

I need to improve my quality of life as much as I can.

I'll have more room, when I clean.

My back just hurt.

I want to get rid of almost everything I own ... and do some laundry, though it may be time to rest for me.

It can be hard to inspire yourself.

What if family and forgotten friends started to follow you everywhere?

Violinists show off they practice a lot just to be good at playing a lot of notes, and I have good arms and hands, though nobody cares if I'm on top, same with other things, like ballet and singing and acting.

You know how Americans are all with Europeans on saying, "See, my look was attractive.  It was white."

Here's maybe a Dutch harpist who reminds me of me, a way England seems to have mocked and Germany:

Creeping Up

Not that I have much to do with anyone, but they thought since I was good that I should be seen as bad and other people should be seen as better than me.

I wonder how someone feels about the prospect that certain other people have gone in and gave in and said I wouldn't do soon.

If people really were into one another, why ruin my life in the process?

Do you feel people are uptight and expect things from you in picky ways?  Why would life be so unnecessarily complicated for some people who don't want to live like that?  People must find common ground basing their problems against me with one another.  Bah!  They shouldn't look into it too much.  I didn't do these things people say I did, that people wanted me to be uptight about.

What if some people were a little naughty and wanted to play cello because they thought the violin had problems and made fun of it?  Would that mean I would have to sacrifice my built interest in violin, through the grapevine because of them, like to trade but for no real reason?  Would people still care about them and/but at my expense?  It always happens in movies; before someone gets in trouble and something bad happens to them, they goof up in some other way, like it matters and fascinates the writer.

When something comes to me, it feels like Jacksonville, not "Germany" or "England."

Jacksonville is the major city of Northeastern Florida.  I've lived there.

Like, when I have to figure something out and I can't think, I get this more like that.

I'm lurking on a message board and just got the image of someone, maybe an Asian man who's not too skinny, smiling and then gliding past.

Why are they so intent on sheltering me or barricading me?

I keep feeling guilty for not liking some people so much.

Some people just acted a certain way that assumed something happened that supposedly didn't happen.

Being Grouped With Older People as a Generation

Why should I be grouped with my dad as a generation?  I don't think this is right.

I used to be normal and good and no one bothered me.  I pretty much almost never messed up.

However, now, it seems people are "playing smart with me" and acting like they know I'm gonna have an attitude and things are gonna tick the wrong way as a community of people.  It feels like people are all up in me.  It's so awkward.  It's like, where did they come from?  I thought only Mom and Dad did that, which in some ways they seem more distant though I'm more sensitive to being offended.

I notice that with younger people, some older adults say they get the ball rolling with them and try to enlighten me with feeling occupied like I'll get things I can't get, as a diversion where they are just too scared to let me live my life.  So, I "wait it out" and younger people they "try" to see if they can cheer them up from personal problems like their parents's mistakes, while I'm forgotten and they justify that fact with things like being racistly intrusive to me, maybe preventing me from socializing or making me confused like nothing matters anymore, like people believe, like after 18.

So, I used to feel good because I was good at not messing up in how I act, and I had privacy and a wonderful world.  People see in me a fight coming when I didn't intend for it, and I sorta guarded off the attacks.  It was because other people did it, too.  So, people gradually and "creatively" infiltrated themselves in me, like they were more than just me.  I wait for things I never get, and people take credit for what I do for myself integrated in this agitation.

See, the thing is I don't start attacks with people, but if they bother me and get under my skin too much I don't know what to do.  They won't stop.  It's like I said, I used to have my privacy and never meant to hurt anyone emotionally.  I can't stand some things, and that's why I'm saying this now.  This is one way I deal with it.  My point wasn't to sound mean.  If you'll notice, I basically said I was happier before and had more privacy and now I feel awkward and irritated.  I compared myself to younger people and white people or non-Asian people.  What it is is like they get things I don't get socially, not saying I don't get anything nor should be that unhappy when it comes to life in general in every way.  It comes in the form of that they get the ball rolling, but I'm left being ransacked and like I'm waiting for what people younger than me already do, though it never happens.

I need money and might have bad credit from a debt.

Should I wait until I finish the last book of Suzuki violin to move to Germany?

I wonder if people mistake my German for Chinese because they are big.

I just had a strange feeling that I'm not even interested in people, who are on Facebook.  The internet may be cool, but the people on it are still just the people that they must have been before.  Is Facebook everyone's "last resort?"

I noticed I am treated badly like I have to believe I am in trouble, and it's catching on and people think they are above me, just because of racism and I'm not perfect.

The people involved monitoring me in private are saying and unsaying things.

Some people channel their anger to me but I am at risk of losing all lest I flinch, what if I have not all already.

What if you couldn't say anything because you were considered bad, like me? though I'm not really.

The US

Have you ever heard the phrase "do the work?"

I'm dejected.

They keep finding more problems.

Already Lying

They are just ruining my relationship with an older lady one step at at time.  They are acting like I have to go find her before it stops.

The people monitoring me in private are superstitious I'm happy.

They want Generation X together just in case.  Fuck off!

Liars

Females relating to females are supposed to exist.  It's not gay to relate to a female like a female.

Last night, I finished starting all the songs of Suzuki 2 on violin.

While I'm busy fighting, what the fuck is everyone else doing?

I always was reserved to an older lady I like, and it feels like they think I was not okay, in this kind of regard.

What if a certain person does it too who says I didn't get what I want like I want him?

The people monitoring me in private give me more problems than I have in real life.

I can see the nastiness in the old men supposedly involved monitoring me life, not like dads but like brothers who don't know what they're doing.  I get nothing like most people, and if I have a hardship they say it's not good character.

It's like some people are just messengers to me on a board game of life.

When I feel good, they get mad.

They ruined my relationship with others to ruin my life.

They are ruining an older lady I like.

They won't stop molesting the older lady I like.

They're superstitious and controlling my life and others in it.

They want to take away my being able to sense things, they said it when I thought I closed the door aggressively but not slamming it.  They won't stop.

Get this, though...  I went to use the bathroom and closed the door aggressively to signal the person making the annoying noises to stop but not slamming it.  Then, they emitted I can never have my relationship.  People are acting like it all around from the monitoring me in private.  I was just trying to eat and my family was always on the verge imprinting a bemused smile to me.  The people monitoring me in private keep acting bemused and batshit crazy getting under my skin too.  Now, they won't stop bothering me, too.  I am worried they are not really women.

The people monitoring me in private are acting like I can't have a relationship with someone who likes me and who I like.

I'm not sure what's off.  I'm dressed.  I just had a meal with my family, and something seemed wrong about me, like it was too late to change how I was.  I feel funny about how some present themselves.  Already, I felt I was in for it.

I wish things were better for someone regarding some people in my life.

Please don't mistake my sincerity.

I want to do something smart, but I'm just going to bed.

The IMDb parody boards can't tell me what to do.

I think the people monitoring me in private are mad at me.

No wonder some people don't post.

What I say is not taken as important nor means anything to anyone.

Does Ellen DeGeneres believe in making others famous but not herself?

I wonder what my old peers are up to.

The last thing an old friend did was get upset I didn't assume to wait for her for a project, before she stopped talking to me normally.

My life is such a joke.  Things I say alter the course of my future because people think they can take my thoughts and jots the wrong way.

Did someone set me not to be accepted?  What's the problem now.  Who knows what will be decided tomorrow.

So, when I'm not in disagreement, what can I do?

Do people with older parents just copy older generations and force younger ones to accept it?

So, now what do I get to do?  No one trusts me but trusts my kinda crowd?

I blame my old friends and family in all its extension.

OK

I lost my friends and didn't make new ones.

Message Board

I said this:

Re: Are you afraid of what older adults tell you to do?

Someone else said this:

I don't do what no one tells me to



Okay, so am I the sacrifice?  Who did this?  I need to know.  Older people?  Is there something wrong with talking to me?  I may not have the same opinion tomorrow or when I wake up.

I'm not up for this kind of retarded excitement.  I wonder if I'll make it to bed.

I don't really trust the people monitoring me in private over her.

In the end, it's a racist "accident."

They put her in a position people can't refuse.  Also, putting someone in the face of a bipolar nation can only equal war.

They started to mention an older lady I like being mistreated in suggestive ways, like she doesn't matter as long as she's nice to me.

The people monitoring me in private keep beating at me.

What if no one was allowed to post about Ellen DeGeneres? or watch her show if they wanted to?

Other people are allowed to talk about Ellen DeGeneres, and I respected her first.

It doesn't matter what they say.

How can people tease me about a relationship with an older lady I already gave?  What are they always on about?  Did I lose it altogether?

I shouldn't be in trouble with people important in my life.

So, why can't these bad people be ignored?  They're simply up to no good.

The people monitoring me in private seem to be imprinting on my existence the influence of the ways of someone which I try to avoid.  I'm trying to ignore them, right now, because I'm not here to follow this.

The world is shit.

They're just a bunch of racist vagrants.

What are they counting on?  For some mixed race person to become a fair weathered celebrity but not live gloriously like people like Marilyn Monroe?

Marilyn Monroe

(image credit)

I can't sleep!

I'm having fun, but I'm not having fun with some of the things people waste time negotiating on about my life, like that I'm in trouble and nothing I do anyone likes to talk to me.

What can I do for my life?

I already had priorities set.

Funny Words I Thought Of

insecure

not "on rapport"

People have annoyed me and get onto me when I think about them in a certain way.

My life goes that my relationship with an older lady randomly pops up as being "stolen" by others I know.  It's so pathetic yet sad, people trying to be something at the last minute with some things but not caring to talk to me otherwise.

We are not all the same, and we are not all going to be!

Everyone went somewhat unnecessarily and insincerely wild about something it seemed like maybe I could get, but now it's used as a permanent disciplinary tool, by making it then not true for me, according to people monitoring me in private who negotiate with the people I talk to.

"Where is the love?"

Why can't we just ignore some things?

Like, some people don't get along, but we work on that.  You don't have to cancel all your other plans in the shadows.

A Guide to the Truth

I'll show you not to discipline me.

What if ... Younger people cannot be racist to me in one way, or else.

What if ... Older people can't "get" whatever they want, or else their generation doesn't matter, which I guess for some that's unfortunately already true.

I didn't really fight or hurt anyone like other people.

Funny people who can't have normal conversations.

Star From Dirty Dancing Looks Like Me - 1987

(image credit)